Crying Out for Help #Heroin

My recent article on #heroin “My Dance with the Devil,” went viral with as many as 729,485 views and counting. I am blown away with the response I’ve gotten and emotionally torn as well. This is a GREAT thing, this is a POSITIVE thing, however; I am only a 25 year old girl. Juggling a full time reception job Monday through Friday and being a hairstylist and makeup artist Friday through Sunday. I’m just a young girl trying to make it in this world after crawling back up that black hole “#Heroin” I leave my word press open in the background and try to respond too as many emails as I possibly can while working, then I go home at night and feel guilty about the ones I can’t get too.

”What if that ONE person, who reached out to me, dies tomorrow and I could have said something to save them? ” that’s the way my mind works; if you’ve read my other piece on “My Battle with Anxiety” you would somewhat know the thoughts that scatter throughout my head. I over think, I analyze; I criticize myself more than anyone else ever could. (Typical Virgo) This is probably a good thing, because if one more person tells me I misspelled a word… Lol. I KNOW YOU GUYS. I should have used spell-check. 😉

It weighs heavy on my heart because initially, I wrote this piece for myself. I wrote it on my lunch break one day, minimizing the screen as my coworkers walked by. I wrote this piece because I was sick and tired of walking into a room full of old friends, and new ones as well, not knowing if they are aware of my prior drug use. I was sick and tired of wondering, if they did happen to know, just how much of it was the truth. I was sick and tired of over thinking and over analyzing what people thought about me. But then something beautiful happened. No one really criticized me at all, no one truly judged me, no one really cared at the end of the day that I used the wrong use of “you’re,” but ME. No one really cared at the end of the day, that I had a problem with Heroin, but ME.

I have called my mom in tears multiple times since putting that piece out for the world to see, these were tears of happiness though, these were tears of “WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPENED” I tell her how overwhelming it all is, because like I said, this thing has gone viral. I share with her that I fell bad not being able to communicate one on one with my readers. But I have over 700 emails in my inbox, and I work close to 6-7 days a week, and juggle a relationship on top of it all.

My other worry is that, this entire thing is going to die down, because let’s be honest. All things at some point come to an end. Even Kim Kardashian’s views die down when her sister Kylie post a picture in the same bathing suit. My point here is that, even though this article will fade away with the rest, the epidemic of heroin will not. Not unless we single handedly step up as a family, as a community, as a country and reach out to those suffering in silence. I appreciate all the kind words from everyone telling me I was brave to put my story out there, but my goal is to get the next addict to put their story out there. I encourage the mother that just lost her child to write HER testimony, the son who just watched his father fade away in front of his eyes, write HIS testimony.

I’ve been asked to speak in churches, or small groups, or NA meetings etc. which I am open too. But I want to point out that we live in a world where social media takes up 75 percent of most people’s day. I also want to point out that as an addict I didn’t go to meetings, I wasn’t going to church, and I sure as hell wasn’t listening to anyone who told me to do these things. I was however, throughout my entire addiction, ON SOCIAL MEDIA. So write your story and post it on your wall, start a blog, do whatever you need to do, just TALK ABOUT IT in a way that is going to reach people. The best part is, its something people can go back to and read over and over again.

Words are powerful, words speak to the heart, and words hit home in a way a bouquet of flowers do not. Words make people feel. And believe me, I know they are hard to write, but words also help us HEAL. They help us let it out. They help us let go of pain. They help us grow. And I will tell you right now, I don’t care which use of “your, you’re, you R, or UR “-You use. I don’t care if you write five run on sentences and put comas after every other word. JUST WRITE. Because as scared as I was to open up and be judged even in the slightest bit, I’ve overcome that fear with only ONE post. Imagine the fears you can overcome.

I also encourage you guys to get on my Word press and read ONE comment coming from my fellow addicts across not just our country, but all over the world. If you could reach out to at least ONE person and tell them you will pray for them, or give them the name of a facility in their area if you know of one. I have people asking about suboxone and rehabs which I know NOTHING about. I didn’t go to rehab; I didn’t use suboxone so these are questions I cannot answer. But many of you may be able to fill in those blanks for me.

I’m in tears right now as I finish this piece, because the stories i have heard have touched my heart to the core. The love of families being destroyed by a DRUG. My story had a happy ending, but the hundreds of people I’ve spoken with didn’t get that same happy ending. And the other hundreds are reaching out asking me for help. And now I am asking YOU for help. For the first time in my life I AM ASKING FOR HELP. Help me guys. And to the readers I know personally, from school, my friends, or other individuals my age. I want you to think about something real quick. If we don’t step up and lend a hand NOW, it’s going to be OUR children we bury.

  • Lets help one another LIVE A LITTLE, ya?
  • If you’re going in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns 🙏🏼🦋

Healing With 2016

2016 was big for me;

2016 was full of so many different emotions, life lessons, and out of this world experiences. I say out of this world but honestly, they all happened within me. 2016 broke me, it pushed me down and then it took me by the hand and helped me back up. 2016 led me down a dark and unknown path; it let me get lost in the mysteries of the universe and then it showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. 2016 started with heartache and loss, and then it brought me new love and new beginnings. But you see; the biggest lesson that 2016 taught me is that no matter what challenges you’re faced with, they are happening to you for a reason. They are happening to you because they are supposed to be happening to you. The challenges you face are not here to punish you or to destroy you, they are here to challenge you, help you grow and push past negativity.

I was so convinced for all this time that I would live this mundane life, filled with loving people and a great family, sure… But I wanted something more. I wanted something so far out of reach that I didn’t even know what it was I yearned for. My whole life I’ve felt out of place, on a different wave length. But I didn’t know why. I never knew what it was in the back of my head that hungered for madness, for discovery, for more… I found myself over the years studying the afterlife, where do we go when we die? What happens to us? I couldn’t walk this earth without knowing there’s something more out there. But over the past year I’ve dove head first into this topic, into the unknown. I’ve seen psychics, I’ve studied their ways. I’ve taught myself the art of tarot, I’ve read numerous books on angel therapy, on how to receive messages from the other side. I’ve been completely blown away by the art of numerology; I’ve taught myself the art of astrology, relative positions of celestial bodies. I’ve learned the difference between looking at the stars and looking into the stars to see what the universe has in store for me. I’ve studied dream interpretations, started more journals than i even know what to do with. i found myself obsessed over these topics.

  • Through all of this studying and practicing I’ve learned how to use the positioning of our planets, to better myself and remind myself, that through every struggle leads to a new chapter of self discovery. I’ve learned to let go of people, places, and things that no longer serve me. This hasn’t been an easy process though. I’ve had to dive deep into my past, and deep within my soul to figure out what it is, that I needed to confront and face in order to move forward on a positive and uplifting path.

I’ve had to invite the monsters out from under my bed and more importantly, the ones in my head, to come out and play. I had to make peace with every part of whom I am and who I aspire to be. It took many nights of being alone, with nothing but a pen and paper, it took alienation. Some nights were darker than others and some nights were just plain magical.

  • The process of healing is just that; a process. But what we benefit from learning about ourselves is so much greater than we can imagine. It’s what we’re here for. It’s what we were born to do. I asked my psychic what she sees for my future when reading me. She smiled and said; “Creating something beyond your wildest imagination, from all the pain you’ve experienced.” That was the highlighting moment of my 2016. That was the moment I knew all of the work I’ve put in, was finally going to pay off. That’s the moment i knew God had a plan when he threw me so many curve balls over the years.

Healing is about perspective and how you choose to see things. It’s about silencing the mind and opening the heart. It’s about letting go and accepting new blessings. Healing is about losing yourself in order to find yourself. Healing is about finding your own happiness and never letting one person or one bad experience take that happiness away. It’s coming out of the darkness and seeing the world in a brand new light.

  • No, it’s not easy and it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time and dedication. It takes believing in yourself and talking to God every step of the way. It takes faith and forgiveness, putting your ego aside and realizing we are all on different paths in life. Some paths may be longer than others, some might have more forks in the road but were all traveling in the same direction and reaching for the same destination; happiness.

So I hope you find your happiness in 2017 and every year after that- I hope you reach into your heart and love with every ounce you have. & I hope you chase your dreams no matter how far out of reach they may seem. And overall I hope you find magic.

Happy new year yall- its going to be beautiful.