Crying Out for Help #Heroin

My recent article on #heroin “My Dance with the Devil,” went viral with as many as 729,485 views and counting. I am blown away with the response I’ve gotten and emotionally torn as well. This is a GREAT thing, this is a POSITIVE thing, however; I am only a 25 year old girl. Juggling a full time reception job Monday through Friday and being a hairstylist and makeup artist Friday through Sunday. I’m just a young girl trying to make it in this world after crawling back up that black hole “#Heroin” I leave my word press open in the background and try to respond too as many emails as I possibly can while working, then I go home at night and feel guilty about the ones I can’t get too.

”What if that ONE person, who reached out to me, dies tomorrow and I could have said something to save them? ” that’s the way my mind works; if you’ve read my other piece on “My Battle with Anxiety” you would somewhat know the thoughts that scatter throughout my head. I over think, I analyze; I criticize myself more than anyone else ever could. (Typical Virgo) This is probably a good thing, because if one more person tells me I misspelled a word… Lol. I KNOW YOU GUYS. I should have used spell-check. 😉

It weighs heavy on my heart because initially, I wrote this piece for myself. I wrote it on my lunch break one day, minimizing the screen as my coworkers walked by. I wrote this piece because I was sick and tired of walking into a room full of old friends, and new ones as well, not knowing if they are aware of my prior drug use. I was sick and tired of wondering, if they did happen to know, just how much of it was the truth. I was sick and tired of over thinking and over analyzing what people thought about me. But then something beautiful happened. No one really criticized me at all, no one truly judged me, no one really cared at the end of the day that I used the wrong use of “you’re,” but ME. No one really cared at the end of the day, that I had a problem with Heroin, but ME.

I have called my mom in tears multiple times since putting that piece out for the world to see, these were tears of happiness though, these were tears of “WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPENED” I tell her how overwhelming it all is, because like I said, this thing has gone viral. I share with her that I fell bad not being able to communicate one on one with my readers. But I have over 700 emails in my inbox, and I work close to 6-7 days a week, and juggle a relationship on top of it all.

My other worry is that, this entire thing is going to die down, because let’s be honest. All things at some point come to an end. Even Kim Kardashian’s views die down when her sister Kylie post a picture in the same bathing suit. My point here is that, even though this article will fade away with the rest, the epidemic of heroin will not. Not unless we single handedly step up as a family, as a community, as a country and reach out to those suffering in silence. I appreciate all the kind words from everyone telling me I was brave to put my story out there, but my goal is to get the next addict to put their story out there. I encourage the mother that just lost her child to write HER testimony, the son who just watched his father fade away in front of his eyes, write HIS testimony.

I’ve been asked to speak in churches, or small groups, or NA meetings etc. which I am open too. But I want to point out that we live in a world where social media takes up 75 percent of most people’s day. I also want to point out that as an addict I didn’t go to meetings, I wasn’t going to church, and I sure as hell wasn’t listening to anyone who told me to do these things. I was however, throughout my entire addiction, ON SOCIAL MEDIA. So write your story and post it on your wall, start a blog, do whatever you need to do, just TALK ABOUT IT in a way that is going to reach people. The best part is, its something people can go back to and read over and over again.

Words are powerful, words speak to the heart, and words hit home in a way a bouquet of flowers do not. Words make people feel. And believe me, I know they are hard to write, but words also help us HEAL. They help us let it out. They help us let go of pain. They help us grow. And I will tell you right now, I don’t care which use of “your, you’re, you R, or UR “-You use. I don’t care if you write five run on sentences and put comas after every other word. JUST WRITE. Because as scared as I was to open up and be judged even in the slightest bit, I’ve overcome that fear with only ONE post. Imagine the fears you can overcome.

I also encourage you guys to get on my Word press and read ONE comment coming from my fellow addicts across not just our country, but all over the world. If you could reach out to at least ONE person and tell them you will pray for them, or give them the name of a facility in their area if you know of one. I have people asking about suboxone and rehabs which I know NOTHING about. I didn’t go to rehab; I didn’t use suboxone so these are questions I cannot answer. But many of you may be able to fill in those blanks for me.

I’m in tears right now as I finish this piece, because the stories i have heard have touched my heart to the core. The love of families being destroyed by a DRUG. My story had a happy ending, but the hundreds of people I’ve spoken with didn’t get that same happy ending. And the other hundreds are reaching out asking me for help. And now I am asking YOU for help. For the first time in my life I AM ASKING FOR HELP. Help me guys. And to the readers I know personally, from school, my friends, or other individuals my age. I want you to think about something real quick. If we don’t step up and lend a hand NOW, it’s going to be OUR children we bury.

  • Lets help one another LIVE A LITTLE, ya?
  • If you’re going in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns 🙏🏼🦋

19 thoughts on “Crying Out for Help #Heroin

  1. Oh I adore your honestly & sweet soul. I don’t have any clue as to who you are other than knowing you from your previous viral article. Unfortunately all I have known my whole life (literally, since some of my first memories) is addiction & heroin. It’s like second nature to me and there is NOTHING more that I want than to help addicts. Recovering or not. I want to share HOPE and LOVE with them. I want to let them know some of the experiences I’ve had with the devil #heroin. Here’s the kicker, I have never used a day in my life although I know the ins and outs of it all. I have been to 8 rehabs to support my brother and help him find his way to sobriety. When I was little I would find his stash in my room, in my bathroom, etc. When I turned 16 one of the first places I went was to take him to buy drugs because he told me he was going to die from the withdrawals if I didn’t (little did I know about enabling). At the age of 7 I would come home from school everyday and go through the caller ID and delete the numbers that I didn’t know because I thought that way he wouldn’t be able to get ahold of his dealers. I have been through hell and back with him. He’s died 3 different times in front of me and by the grace of God he is still here. 18 years of non stop fear that he was going to die. I have a passion for addiction and I do believe that recovery can happen! I would love nothing more than to help anyone I can. If you have any inquiries from the SLC, UT are please send them my way! From sitting in meetings to show support, to talking and sharing my story I am willing to do anything to help in the slightest. & I appreciate you sharing your story. It is beautiful & you are so strong and brave for sharing it publicly. I’m proud of you and I’ve never even met you! I know that because of your article you have saved lives. If you know of any ways I can help the community of addiction please let me know because it has been my lifelong dream, but I don’t know how to get there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m also in SLC, UT now & I have experience with heroin, in that I watched my now husband battle it & watched him recover as well. So thankful that with the Lord was with us because we wouldn’t have made it out of that together if he hadn’t been. I pray that every single user still out there will have someone placed in their life, to give them HOPE & JOY. You CAN do it & live a prosperous life in Jesus. I’ve seen it happen & know that there is a light at the end of that black hole, she talks about being in.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. These stories sound like my own daughters story ,her addiction was wine google on line for her web site Hope Lust She wrote her story the Book is called Hope Lust can get on Amazon If you read it will change your life. But also share with your addicted friends


    3. Shelby and anyone reading this reply- Please also check out Spirit of Freedom Ministries – it is dedicated to the “chemically dependant” …It fills and addresses the spiritual component to drug addiction for complete recovery and deliverance! It goes beyond “12 steps”- and you will be forever changed 🙂


      Laurie White


  2. Great article and well written. I had no idea that it had reached so many people – kudos to you! I am so proud to know you. So proud to know the person that you have become. You are loved by many – of those that know you, and those that do not. However the fact that you are reaching so many and touching so many lives is what matters. WE are all so PROUD of you and what you have done. God Speed Courtney. You are doing a good thing. Never forget that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe you can help with this…my son was very private about his addiction. He was ashamed and sobbed openly when he found out that his aunt knew…I can’t imagine what he would have thought if it were public. Now that he is gone, part of me wants to shout warnings from the rooftops…LOOK AT US! This can happen to ANYBODY…to ANY FAMILY…addiction and overdose do not discriminate! But then I wonder if doing so will betray his memory and his own wish for privacy. Or if he now would shout it from the rooftops himself, if just to help one person? What do I do?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kelly, when we leave earth and join God, join the angles, become an angel, etc. we no longer have an ego. when we transition to the other side any negative thoughts or worries that we had here on earth are no longer with us. in human form we have an “ego” that meaning, our fears. Once we see beyond the physical self to experience a greater knowing of who and what we really are (spirit) ego loses it’s ability to cause suffering. my point being, your son is with God, he has no more fears, he isn’t worried about people judging him anymore. he would want to help others. he wouldn’t want another mother to lose her son. try something for me. before you go to bed tonight ask your son, ask your angels for a sign. you can be specific if you want, or just simply ask “give me a sign” it could be a dream, it could be something as small as a feather that catches your eye, it could be something you hear on tv. your angels (your son) will give you answers if you are open to receiving them. i hope this helps. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    2. There is a support group at Parent to Parent in Winston Salem NC. It is on Thursday nights from 6 – 7:30. Please come share your story, and find people who truly get it and can support you.


    3. I have also lost loved ones from this terrible addiction. I will shout as loud and long as I can if it would save one person, one family so that their lives were not lost in vain.
      I believe that he would want that, I wish someone had shouted out loud where he heard it before he lost his battle and his life, hopefully this answers your question.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing so openly about your disease of addiction. It is one that is hard to share. I admire your honesty and openness. You make a difference each time you share.
    Don’t stop sharing. Your journey makes such an impact each time you share it.
    The disease of addiction has changed our family in so many ways.
    I agree with you, we all must share our stories and we have to STAND up and not be ashamed. The disease of addiction is just that a disease.


  5. I am not and addict or have never have anyone with this disease, but I admire your strength for sharing; hope God keeps you always well and you never go back to that dark place always looking towards your future and the people you are helping by sharing your story I admire you for that, keep looking forward and never look back…..

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The only way that you can help others is to help yourself first. Tell your story because this problem has grown and it needs people that have been there to help others. Just like AA


  7. I was just at another funeral for a 23 year old beautiful young woman who died from this epidemic disease. I agree so much with using social media to reach out to people. I am a nurse who works with opioid addicted pregnant women taking suboxone or methadone. It’s tragic to see what addiction does to the women, their babies, and their families. But there is hope! We need to loudly proclaim to our legislators that addiction be treated like the disease that it is! Call your Congressmen and Senators. Write letters. Do it over and over again if needed to get their attention. I write on their websites every day. Mental health care is just as important as taking care of the physical health of people.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This insidious disease hides in the dark….it is up to us to bring it into the light! Talk about it and do NOT be ashamed! It’s time to declare WAR on this epidemic situation! With God’s help involve yourself as much as you can to spread this word to the still suffering addicts and their uninformed families. Please know NO MORE HAVE TO DIE!!!!


  9. you can also make a Facebook group for it, you can add different Admins for different areas, and basically just set up a team of people who can help through their own stories whether they have done it or are family or friends to someone who has. Just knowing people have clean friends or other resources then just meetings. Also that gives a platform for those who are going through this can speak out or those who overcome to share stories. Also it could be places for you to share more of your articles and such. I hope this helps


  10. I have been a recovering addict for 24 yrs. I thank God I never tried Heroin. I had enough trouble getting off all the drugs I did abuse and a few I was physically addicted to. I am lucky to be alive as I have accidentally overdosed 5 times . The last 2 times I used, I overdosed and woke up in Hospitals. The first year of recovery is the hardest. Personally, I don’t think I would have made it without support. But it was not my family who supported me , it was finding NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and all the hundreds of other addicts who were also trying to stay clean that saved my life. They say only an addict can understand another addict and I find that to be true. No one besides another addict can truly grasp the insideousness of this disease. No sane person will ever comprehend why a person would go back to very thing that almost killed them. When I came into recovery I needed people who understood what I was going thru and could relate. Plus I needed to change my habits : the people I hung out with, the places I went and the way I thought of myself. I learned that thru 12 step recovery groups that it didn’t matter which drugs I used or which drugs the guy next to me used, we were both addicts. In recovery we share the same things …the Disease of Addiction, the desire to stay clean and the desire to help one another because we understand all too well how hard it is to stay clean. I learned that I have a physical, mental and spiritual disease. When I used drugs I destroyed my body, my self image and threw away my moral fiber and convictions until I utterly hated myself. In recovery I have to take care of my body by eating and sleeping regularly, I have to take care of my mind by not getting caught up in negative thinking or self hate and I have to take care of myself spiritually by continually seeking self growth. Because it is by striving to be the best version of myself on a daily basis that I become comfortable in my own skin. And it is by continually working at becoming an honest , decent human being that I am able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I see. I learned that I had to find a whole new way of living and I had to learn how to deal with my daily problems and the emotions that come with being human without the use of drugs. I had to deal with all the things that sent me head long into the arms of my addiction. And I had to learn how to forgive myself and others. 24 yrs without a drug or a drink and I don’t consider myself recovered. Once your an addict , your an addict for life. In otherwords I can not afford to let my guard down. As an addict I can never be a social drinker. I can not have 1 drink or 1 drug because 1 always leads to 2, and 2 leads to 3. After that I lose my convictions , I forget why I was going to stop , the fear of death leaves me and self preservation is replaced by thoughts of having just 1 more. Unfortunately for me, I love to mix drugs. The last time I used I felt very strongly about not picking up drugs, but decided that maybe I could have a few drinks. I started out with 2 drinks, forgot why shouldn’t have 3 or 4 or 6. I woke up 2 days later in a hospital. Apparently I had 6 or 8 drinks , then purchased a pint of hard liquor and drank that too and somewhere along the way I got hold of 30 Xanax (Benzodiazepines) with the plan to take a few but instead I took then all within 1/2 hr and my friend had to take me to an emergency room asap. So today I know what 1 of anything leads to more of everything I don’t want. I am so grateful I found my way to NA and other addicts who also wanted to get better. I love the fact that 12 step groups like NA and AA are completely free and that in most towns there is anywhere from 2 to several hundred meeting a week taking place. Where I live there are at least 5 meeting a day and in the next town over, population 100,000, there are at least 20 meeting everyday, our numbers grow daily. As for me I work at my recovery as if my life depended on it… because it does.

    Liked by 1 person

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