My Dance With The Devil #Heroin

 

When I was first introduced to heroin it was by my boyfriend at the time. We will just call him “Walter.” I wasn’t aware of his drug use prior to moving in, but as time went on I started to catch on, and within weeks I started to uncover what was truly going on behind the scenes. But little did I know, I was about to dive head first into this black hole called “Heroin.” I use the term black hole because that’s exactly what it is. You start by peaking into the unknown, telling yourself at any moment you can stand up and run home. Never do you imagine yourself falling so far down, with nothing to hold on to- no one to call out too for help. You’re just free falling—and then everything goes black.

Ever since I was a little girl my favorite movie has always been Alice in Wonderland. It’s ironic that this experience felt a lot like the plot of my favorite childhood movie. I was just a young girl, curious about the world around me. Curious of that black hole, and once I fell down, I was lost, Just wanting to get home. The first time I tried heroin was out of spite, Out of anger and sadness.  I didn’t understand why Walter couldn’t quit. I’ll never forget that night. I was crying and so upset, I locked myself in the bathroom of our apartment (where I found another stash hidden) and told Walter, “If you think this is okay to do to yourself, then you can watch what it does to me.” It sounds so stupid now, I know. But that’s where I was. I was watching someone I cared for throw his life away. And for a second I thought maybe I could change his life. But the only life I changed that night was my own. It took me one time… one small line of brown powder, and I was hooked.

I convinced myself that everything was fine, I mean I wasn’t shooting the stuff up… that’s what the “real addicts do,” right? No. that’s where people are highly mistaken; Just because you don’t have track marks on your arm doesn’t make you any better than the dope head sitting next to you nodding off, with a needle in his vein. I just happen to be a little queasy around needles, so I never went that route. i would say four months in to this addiction I found myself living a double life. I quit answering phone calls, I quit going home to see my parents, I shut myself off from the people I loved most. Because these are the people that can see through me, and I knew if I were to be around them they would know something was wrong. I was ashamed of who I was, I was ashamed of the person I had become. I never went a day without this drug for over a year.

I went through my worst set of withdraws one night and I swear it’s like your own personal hell. I sat in the passenger seat of my car kicking in my dashboard and pleading to God “Please just make all of this go away.” I called numerous rehabs hoping to find one that would take my insurance. But of course they wouldn’t take insurance and I felt hopeless. I felt as if the rest of my life would be dedicated to this drug. I was so angry with myself, I was so angry with God. I felt like he wasn’t listening to me, he wasn’t helping me. I needed him, I needed him to save me because I couldn’t save myself.

Walter and I drove that morning to pick up another sack of heroin. I had been withdrawing for about 14 hours at this point. We got it, opened the bag up and poured some out on my center consul. I remember picking up that dollar bill and feeling the drugs enter my body. I took a huge gulp of blue Gatorade to get the discussing taste out of my mouth and then everything went black.

One red light- that’s how far Walter got before looking over at me, to find my face blue, my eyes shut, and I was making funny noises with my throat. Walter described the sounds as if I were drowning, gasping for air. Not even a full minute from when that drug entered my system, and I was dead. That’s what people don’t understand about this drug. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve done it, all it takes is that ONE time, and your life is over.

I woke up in the backseat of my boyfriend’s mom’s car. She had come to meet us in the parking lot of where he had pulled over. They laid me in the back of her car until the ambulance arrived. I woke up confused and foggy; I thought I had been in a car wreck.  I didn’t know where I was, how I got there, or what happened. The ambulance had shot me up with narcan; after probably 20 minutes of being lifeless, within seconds I was back.

God answered my prayers that day. I was taken to the hospital where my family came to join me; they didn’t know what to say or how to act. I was throwing up, my memory was all over the place. I didn’t even know what to say to them. I just laid there. My mom and step dad were at my apartment gathering all of my belongings while my dad and stepmom were speaking to the nurses and helping me talk with a psychiatrist. They brought me home that night. The date was 11/19All I ever wanted to do was come home.

For two weeks I laid in my room going through withdraws. Cold sweats, restless legs, vomiting, sharp pains running through my body. I got up a hand full of times within those two weeks. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink anything, I just wanted to sleep but that would make it all too easy. It’s impossible to sleep. I was on lockdown. My dad took away my phone; my car was parked at my moms. I had no way out and being that my dad lives in a gated community, he made sure that no one had a way in. my mom would drive over to my dad’s to bathe me… yes that’s right. I couldn’t even take a shower on my own. The water felt like a thousand knives stabbing me in every inch of my body.

When the pain got the worst of me I remember trying to leave. My dad wrestled me to the ground as I beat the shit out of him. There was nothing easy about this process, for any of us. My parents had to be strong when I couldn’t and I thank them for that. When you’re an addict you think everyone is your enemy, but in the long run they’re the ones saving your life.

I stayed clean for about two months. Until I didn’t;

The next time I did heroin I overdosed, a second time. The date was 1/19

I don’t even like to talk about this day because it was just plain dumb. Why I would ever touch the stuff again is beyond me. But I did. And here we are.

My stepmom did CPR on me for over 30 minutes waiting for an ambulance to show up. I woke up on my bedroom floor after being shot up with narcan (again) with nothing but regret and disgust. But through that relapse I found myself again. I didn’t know who I wanted to be or where I wanted to go. I did however know who I didn’t want to be and where I didn’t want to go. And that was one of two options. Dead or in jail. I picked up the pieces of my life that day and GREW THE HELL UP. Not many people get a second chance at life, they defiantly don’t get a third. I was one of the lucky ones which is why I’m sharing my story.

I wouldn’t wish this disease on my worst enemy and i wish I could take the needle from an addicts arm and make them realize what a beautiful world they have waiting for them. But its up to them, and you cant help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It’s a tough uphill battle but its worth it. I look back at those two weeks I spent in bed getting clean of this drug, and although it was hell… it was TWO weeks.

The important thing to remember once you get clean is to change your surroundings, cut off all people that use. I don’t care if they are your best friends, cut them off. And get your life back. And in time, you will inspire others to do the same. THAT’S what a friend is. That’s what taking control of your life is. You’re deserve it. You’re worth it.

You’re always ONE decision away from a totally different life.


 

318 thoughts on “My Dance With The Devil #Heroin

    1. My ex died From heroin overdose on October 19th and i feel it my fault since I kept giving her money knowing I thought I was helping her out

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      1. No its not your fault.like she said in this story,they have to want help to be able to get help.my sister is addicted to heroine and has been for a long time .she has been in and out of jail.couple months here and 6 months there in jail.she went through all of the withdrawals and still got out and went right back to it.it’s so comforting knowing when she is in jail so I know she is alive.she lost her kids and everything .nothing is more important.I gave her money over and over as well.it’s not our fault what they spent it on.so sorry for your loss.

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      2. You can’t beat yourself up over the past. At the time, you thought you were helping her but now you know better. And, now that you know better you’ll do better. Her life is over due to her choices. Your life shouldn’t be over too. She’d never want that.

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      3. My son probably died of an accidental overdose and I had given him gas money the last two night s before his death…

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      4. Strange. My mom was an addict and died October 19th, though Heroin wasn’t the reason. However, she made the decision to use. Not you.

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      5. It’s not your fault. If the ex didn’t get it from you it would have been someone else who gave the money. The ex was on a mission and nothing /nobody was going to get in the way of a fix.

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    2. So proud of all who have survived the beast. My nephew was not that lucky. In May 2016 he lost his battle. A month before he had reached out to us all to tell us he loved us, and was on a path we hoped would be good. Unfortunately he had a weak moment and he was served Heroin laced with the deadly Fentanyl. Our lives will never be the same. I will support any organization that helps the sufferers of this disease. God Bless You!

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      1. This exact some thing happened to my exboyfriend. Laced with fentanyl. He didn’t know what he had and died instantly. He was found dead in his apartment two days later. He died December 30th, 2014 but wasn’t found until January 2nd, 2015.

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      2. My step son lost his battle as well on October 23, 2016. He was 21. Heroin laced with Fentanyl. We too will never be the same. It’s an ugly addiction. Sorry for your loss😢

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    3. Your story is such an inspiration my daughter is an addict and just about died from heroin several times she was clean for three years and thought life was so great. She met a wonderful man had a wonderful baby boy which is now 1 1/2 years old she’s back sniffing pills which is just as bad as heroin and has lost custody of her baby boy to the father and I had to fight to get visitation as a grandmother Because I’m fighting to get my grandchild because my daughter cannot fight the fight. I’m hoping she gets help and goes into a detox and rehab this week and it works this time before it’s too late again and I lose my daughter. She has a 12-year-old and the only one and a half-year-old boy and all they want is their mother and I want my daughter so yes the drugs can over run your life so once again I’m glad you fought the fight.

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    4. I’M SO VERY PROUD OF YOU. I LOST MY DAUGHTERS FATHER TO THAT BLACK HOLE OF HEROINE, MY SISTER, MY GOOD FRIENDS. I KNOW WHAT YOU WENT THRU. BUT YOU MADE IT OUT. AND THAT IS A BLESSING! YESSSSS INDEED GOD HAS SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU. I REALLY JUST WANTED TO SAY THK YOU FOR YOUR STORY AND THAT I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU.
      MY LOSSES WERE 41 YRS AGO YOUR STORY STILL TOUCHED MY HEART N MADE ME CRY. I FINALLY FORGAVE MYSELF OF THE WHAT IFS……IT WAS THEIR TIME, GOD HELPED ME AND STILL HELPING ME. WE ARE ALL GOD’S CHILDREN. REACH OUT ASK HIM INTO YOUR HEART N HE IS THERE ALWAYS.
      I LOVE YOU AND AM HAPPY HAPPY YOU MADE IT OUT. GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS.
      GOD BLESS YOUR PARENTS FOR FIGHTING FOR YOU ALONG BESIDE GOD.

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    5. I did my last shot of heroin 2yrs 2mos and 28days ago. It almost took everything from me. I was a hair away from losing my home and my family. I hid it for almost 4yrs. One day I was nodded out in my chair and woke up to my kids throwing my drug kit at me. It was a big two week fight. First it wasn’t mine…. then it was my medication. Then I was mad, this is the way it’s going to be… if you want me to work or even walk this is how I have to do it…. I’ll always be on something for my pain….. That last day I did an 8 ball and still couldn’t walk, I screamed every time I moved. I could see my 2 beautiful kids crying and telling me they didn’t want me to die. I called my Mom and my brother and asked for help. Hardest thing Ive every did and I fight it everyday still…. Will it always be like this?

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    6. I just loss my ex-sister-in-law. She was my little sissy. She OD on the Hot shot giving to her by a so called friend. She left behind three amazing children. God rest her soul. But I have also in the last twelve years loss a step dad a cousin and multiple friends and others I have known through family and friends. The devil has brought his weapons and claimed victory on many good people. I pray God has mercy on their souls. I myself was a cocaine addict and live each day one line away from repeating the habit. God has guided me through tuff times and carried me when I couldn’t stand on my own. God speed to Everyone that is suffering a form of addiction. ..

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    7. I lost my son in February 2010 o found him in my bed me n my husband fought this disease with him for over five years I will never understand I always told him I was going to try it so I could understand he begged me not to I am proud of all the kids who make it out of the black hole we have lost so many to this awful thing called herion I hate it!!!!

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    1. Sound s like my story for real. I want you to listen to the song by Machine gun Kelly its called Lead Me On. He is a recovering Heroin addict. The song is such truth, check it out you will be able to relate.

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      1. I too love that song, I read mgk’s story about his 2 year herion addiction, it’s a great read if u haven’t read it.

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  1. I totally know where you’re coming from. Been sober since March 16 of last year. I thank you for sharing your story, it helps you recover. Having God and living sober is where true happiness lies. The inner peace it brings is amazing! Thank you once again for sharing!

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    1. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY BEEN THROUGH THE SAME THING RELAPSING GETTING CLEAN ONLY TO USE AGAIN ON AND OFF FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS IM CLEAN NOW BY WITHDRAWING ON MY SISTERS COUCH FOR 2 WEEKS ANY OTHER TIME WAS JAILS REHAB ETC,THIS TIME I DID IT FOR MYSELF NOBODY ELSE AND MUST SAY IM HAPPIER BUT DOESNT STOP THERE MEETING WHATEVER HELPS U STAY CLEAN IS A MUST BUT HE DISEASE OF ADDICTION NEVER GOES AWAY ITS PATIENTLY RESTING WAITING FORU TO GIVE IN TO RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!SO IF U ARE USING GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK ITS WORTH IT.

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  2. I don’t usually read stories like this because it hits too close to home, but something told me to read your story. It took me 3 times of stopping and starting again to get through the whole story and I cried. I am crying while writing this. I have 2 sons who are heroin addicts. As a parent your story is the nightmare I live with. I live in fear every day that I will get “the” call. They think because they too snort it that they can’t die. They haven’t overdosed to that point yet but that is the fear I live with. My heart breaks everyday that they continue this hell. They’ve both been to detox, rehab and jail. They continue. I pray one day they wake up before it’s too late.

    Thank you for sharing. I am proud of you for getting out of this hell and ending the nightmare for your family. God bless you.

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    1. I’m sorry for your sons. Hopefully they will discover the help they need. And you the strength to keep having faith in them. Bless you!!

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    2. Congradulations to you, and I pray you are and stay strong enough to stay away from all of hat nasty stuff. You really deserve more. Be happy.

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    3. I have 2 sons also addicted. One is clean, one Im not sure about. I know he still drinks. Praying hes not doing heroin. He is the one that OD’d a year ago. I was out of town and found out after the fact. Never would of thought that from him. My oldest one put us through hell for years. Glad hes clean but it was a long road of detox, rehab and jail also. He still has issues and would benefit from counseling but hes off drugs which I am grateful. I will pray for you and your boys. Thanks for sharing.

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    4. I know this may sound crazy but when you do heroin you open yourself up to demons If you ask Jesus into your heart and then get prayer for deliverance of those demons they have to leave. You still have to want to be free and ask God to protect and help you but it is so much easier and victorious!

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    5. I have been thru many people
      with this addiction, some lived more has passed!!
      There is many underlying problems with addicts,for I have been there myself !!
      Once you feel the release of
      the relief this drug brings,it’s
      EVIL,it reaches out and grabs
      A good sensible mind and tuns it into a bent on destruction mind,that’s
      Beyond hard to say no !!
      Not only Is this drug so deceiving that you turn on your own self, the lies,the hurt, your
      Stable mind becomes a liar to yourself !
      There is no way out for some !
      You need to be more strong willedthan the drug,that makes you feel worthless!
      There are so many trials and tribulations now days than there has ever been and people
      look for a quick out !!
      A quick relief!!
      Before you know it,it’s controlling ever aspect of your life !!
      There is so much I could say but I would be here all night !!
      Most addicts are scared to get clean, it is one of the most painfully things you could ever experience in life,the more you do ,the higher the dependence
      Comes,and the more you suffer comming off !!
      Parents that have never used
      Please don’t tell your kids you understand, because you never could !!
      Please be their support system !
      Number 1,it’s very hard to try not to be a enabler, there are many sides to the coin,so don’t be to hard on yourselves !
      HELP,HELP,HELP,ALL YOU CAN FIND,AND DON’T GIVE UP !!
      PUSH THE ONES THAT GIVE YOU NO ANSWERS, WRITE AND
      CALL YOUR STATE DELEGATES!!
      WE CAN NOT GIVE UP !!
      THINGS NEED TO CHANGE,WE ARE THE ONES TO PROTECT AND LEAD FOR OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES !!
      WE NEED TOP NOTCH REHABS!!
      NOT PRISONS !!
      AND MUCH HELP COMMING OFF THESE DRUGS,WITH MEDICATION, TO EASE THEIR SUFFERING !!
      WE NEED A SYSTEM THAT WORKS !!
      CAUSE THE DEVIL IS ALIVE AND WELL AND WANTS TO MANY SOULS THAT JUST DON’T
      DESERVE IT,BUT KEEP RUNNING INTO WALLS OF LIMITED HELP !!
      Thank you for listening to my
      Story !!
      And GOD BLESS ALL WHO ARE TOUCHED BY ADDICTION !!!

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    6. I am crying reading your response. I have a 34 year old little brother, who is bipolar and has been using since he was 18. He just overdosed for the millionth time right before Thanksgiving 2016, in my mom’s driveway. He refused treatment, hopped a bus, and went to Florida (we live in PA) I don’t who he knows there, or why. Last night a friend called me, she lives in Florida 3 hours from where he was, her and her husband drove 3 hours to get him. He claims who he was staying with beat him up and robbed him. He lost his front teeth, which are actually dentures our parents bought him because his teeth were so rotted from drug use. I talked to my friend today, she said he is safe at their house for now. Because he is bipolar and and addict his reality is so obscure you never know what is true or not. I am ready to give birth to our third child in a week. I am besides myself, I should be happy and ready to welcome our baby into this world. Instead once again, my little brother has ruined our happy moment, and I’m just praying he doesn’t die. Thank you for sharing. Xoxo

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    7. I’m going through this with my oldest child. If he doesn’t died from OD, he’ll die by suicide.
      Sadly, he thinks hes “safe” when he shoots up but the fact is no one knows when their body is going to OD on it.
      He knows heroin is destroying his life and that he’s hurting those around him emotionally and financially.
      Rehabs that take his insurance are only 3 days. He needs at least 2 weeks.
      Hes told me he wishes he could be locked up so he couldnt get it.
      Its heartbreaking, scary and frustrating.

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    8. I also had two sons on heroin. One OD and died July 6th. The second one has been clean for a year. I worry every day I’ll lose my second son to a relapse. I live in fear of exactly that. I pray he continues to stay strong and keep fighting to stay clean. It’s a horrible disease that has ruined my family’s life. I wish your sons the best.

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    9. I am a parent also of an addict and I live in this hell also daily. I am also the oldest pf two sibling brothers who are also serious addicts of Meth and herion/meth. One of which is in hospital as we speak about to possibly loose his foot because of frost bite. He fell asleep in woods two nights ago in snow. Barely made it back to my parents house to be found. He is scheduled for surgery this morning.

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    10. i too am a mother of an addicted, i just want you to know, your not alone us moms worry 24 – 7. the only time there is peace is when they are either in jail or rehab. my son is on 6 months clean( which is a huge milestone) i hope and pray something will connect them back to you. just pray let the lord help you through this.

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    11. Keep praying for your son’s, I strongly believe that the prayers of my God fearing mom helped me. I’ve been clean for nearly 22 yrs, after 13 yrs of drug use. I no longer just exist, I Live Life and it’s AWESOME, I will pray for them as well, never give up HOPE

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    12. My heart breaks for you and I pray like you that they realize the depths of this hell before it takes any more lives. I am so sorry that you or anyone has to go thru this living nightmare. I will keep you all in my thoughts & prayers.

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  3. My 💔💔💔💔💔reading this……However, while tears are rolling down my face I remember too well what I had gone through with my oldest daughter……..while getting ready for work one warm spring day, my daughter walks outta her bedroom, goes to the kitchen & while walking back to her room, she starts having seizures…….rite there in front of me……..she had 3 within 10 minutes…….the ambulance was called & while standing over them watching their efforts, she was conscious……the most HORRIFYING thing was happening to my child……I felt helpless as a mother…….you see I work in a hospital, so to see this @ least once an evening isn’t anything less of a guarantee…….to speed up my story, her sister & I took her to our local facility, where I had to sign papers stating I was in fear of her life…….I had to watch as my first born was handcuffed, & shoved into a state cruiser…..I was called everything from a bad mother, to those Awful words that,”SHE HATED ME”…….@ that point, I wanted to stop the cruiser & just PRETEND this All was a bad dream…….But, I knew in my heart I WAS doing the rite thing……..now, it’ll be 2yrs. Clean for her in March, & she’s left the Old memories & habits behind……gained back her self-esteem…& has a GREAT outlook for the future…….of course the downfall of ALL of this…….she now has to take seizure meds, & not allowed back a drivers license(because of seizures), However, she’s been seizure FREE for over a year…….I thank GOD everyday that I’ve had a second chance to be her mother……your story hits home in more ways than one……I wish you the best in your future endeavors & I pray you stay strong for you & your family………& on this note, thank GOD everyday you can “COUNT YOUR BLESSN’S”

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    1. Kimmie you are such a great mother and it’s so hard when your in addiction to see the love and support you have around you. I’m so happy to hear that your daughter is clean, and I’m sorry about her seizures, however; they probably (in a twisted way), saved her life then and for the future, when it comes to doing drugs. Thank you for sharing with me and give your daughter a hug for me, let her know I’m proud of her! Best wishes to you and your family! 💝

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  4. Thank you for your inspiring story. I too am a recovering heroin addict. I’ve been to rehabs, detox & jail. The worst possible feeling is when you get clean, you feel amazing, no longer depending on a substance and then you go back to it. It’s the true definition of Insanity. I can relate to your story, especially when you say most people don’t get a second chance. In 2016 I was arrested while at rehab. When I got to the jail I hung myself & died. After being brought back I was in a coma. I thank God everyday for giving me yet another chance! I am meant to do great with my life!

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    1. Chris I’m just reading this comment after your last one, and wow! Congratulations on how far you’ve come and you’re right, you are meant to do extremely great things! Sometimes God has to shake us up a bit, so we can remember our life purpose. To serve him to the best of our ability and to make the world a better and brighter place. God bless you and thank you for sharing with me !

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    2. Wow that is amazing ! God gave u a second chance. Evasive it wasn’t your time to go make the best out life as it is to short fulfill your dreams ! And Congratulations

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  5. Ive been fighting this disease for about 4 yrs rehab after rehab even dying and revived loosing friends and family. Truth be told you cannot quit without help. Im still in the process of quiting. Im finding having a plan and someone u trust i bought an rv and im taking off traveling 1300 miles away to start my journey i want to be away from temptation and access to heroin. I plann to start my life over now at the age of 40 its time to grow up. My best friend is coming with me ( he is not/ever been a user). Thanks for ur story it gives me hope.

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    1. Roxy thanks for your story. I am 40 and am 8months clean. I felt for a long time I wasted so much of my life. Starting over at 40 scares me and makes me feel guilty. But it is what it is. I like when u said grow up. I’m still working on it. When I wasn’t sober I was like a child. Now being sober I’m learning to be responsible again and it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. Not caring for so long about bills, laundry or even showering (only getting drugs) makes reality a little scary. But I’m doing it. Building my self esteem and starting over. Thanks for your story it helps me to not feel so alone 😊

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  6. You are awesome , my son has been clean for 6 months he lost a good long time friend from it . He had withdawls he called me crying out for help I thank god everyday I still have him , his friend mom was really bad and my son seen her going threw loosening her son he’s getting shots and has things going on and good things I love my son don’t know how I could go on without him.

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  7. My love and father to my little girl has been battling this disease for over 10 yrs. He doesn’t use needles so he convinces himself he’s not like the other “disgusting addicts”Been through it all with him. Withdrawaling at home- rehabs- leaving home- returning. It’s hell. The Dishonestly, manipulation, stealing, then getting clean for a few weeks and realizing he wants sobriety then falling back into the dark side. It has such a hold. Has a pellet in his arm now and was sober for 2 months. Now using cocaine since pellet blocks effects of opiates. It’s pure and utter hell and disappointment and hopelessness. I had to ask him again to leave. This time I’m blocking his number and fighting for full custody. I have reached MY breaking point. It’s wonderful to hear testimonies like yours. Too many lives fight this enemy and lose. Stay clean. Stay sober. Life is beautiful.

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    1. There is help out there! There are programs out there! If you want to get clean! The first step is admitting your an addict and you want to get help, there you’ve done that! Not sure what state you are in but call around to rehabs and ask about scholarships! They have them you just have to have the want to and be willing! You can be detoxed at a hospital usually. I’ll say a prayer for you that you can get the help you need, I lost my baby sister at 23 (two years in may). That drug doesn’t discriminate, heck no drug does. Get online and use your resources . Call The mental health facility in your area and they can also help you with rehab choices that may offer scholarships.

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    2. Jennifer, there is help someplace out there for you. Keep looking and ask for help. I know there are people that will help, if they know … Na? God bless and keep trying

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    3. Jennifer you can stop you need to go into rehab if you need someone to help you go to a meeting find someone there go to the hospital tell them you need help that you don’t want to live like this..I’m sure there is someone out there that can help you. Please go get help!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♢♡

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    4. Where are you from? I’m brand new in recovery have only been clean for about two weeks. But if you’re serious about wanting to stop I can give you some information….

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    5. Jenifer,
      I was an addict for ten years. I never tried heroin, as I was too afraid (thank God for that fear) but I was madly addicted to prescription opiates. I would spend at least a grand a month on them, whether my rent was paid, whether I had food in the fridge. Didn’t matter. I lived in this dark abyss for ten years before I finally cracked. My mother had been through the same thing, but had turned to an outpatient Suboxone clinic. Once I realized I would never be able to quit on my own, and was in the throes of withdraw, I called an inpatient rehab facility. They did not ask for money up front, as a lot of rehabs do not. They advised I would be billed at a later date. (To this day I’ve not received a bill. The doctor in charge had a habit of providing people with free Vivitrol if they couldn’t afford it, so that person had no trouble accessing s drug that would keep them clean. I think he had something to do with me never having received a bill from them.
      I had sworn off Suboxone 2 years prior when my mom was prescribed it. Why should I switch one drug for another? I always asked myself that. But my mom begged me. She was terrified everyday I continued using, because of the dealers I would obtain my pills through. It was only a matter of time before something terrible happened.
      But all it took was that one day. That one day of my dealers being out of what I needed, and I cracked. I was in rehab that night. I told myself I would NOT take the suboxone offered. I wanted them to give me different meds to get me through the WD. But deep down, I knew I was gonna get out of there and call one of my dealers, as soon as I got my phone back.
      The WD, the depression, being away from loved ones and going through sickness while being in a strange place, I cracked again. I told them I did want the suboxone offered to me. I would try anything to make it go away, anything to keep me from dialing my dealer’s number the minute I got out.
      And it completely changed my entire life. I never believed my mom when she told me this medication was the way to go if you absolutely could not stop on your own. There’s no shame in that. 90 percent of addicts can’t. She said it wasn’t like Methadone, which only makes things far worse in the long run. She kept telling me, from the first dose she was given, that it completely eliminated all of her WD symptoms. It made her feel ALIVE again. And I can now attest to that. I left the rehab facility after 5 days, without a thought in my mind of ever going back to my previous lifestyle. I was motivated, excited, blissful. It was so hard to wrap my head around the fact that my life changed so drastically in those five days. But they don’t just give you medication and send you on your way. Outpatient suboxone practices absolutely require you to get counseling or attend AA or NA. Your constantly screened to make sure you have not relapsed. And you can actually DO these things, because you feel no WD whatsoever. None of the depression or anxiety that comes with WD. You’re simply ready for change. In the two years since I left that rehab center, I’ve gotten my license, remarried, bust my butt at work and actually have money, as I’m no longer spending a thousand dollars a month on opiates. I go to Church, I’m a wrestling/basketball/football Mom, and am more involved with my kids’ lives, like I always wanted to be. I have not shared my story with many people, as it’s so difficult for me to relive those memories. But I could feel in your post that you truly want to get help, but the powerful hands of addiction are keeping you bound. If you absolutely cannot get/stay clean on your own, no matter how much you want to be, I would recommend trying this medication. That’s what it’s there for. If you cannot get into an inpatient rehab, do an internet search for the outpatient suboxone providers in your area. In many cases, they can get you in same day. If you stick with the program, you can and will succeed. This is coming from someone who believed she would never, ever be able to stop. Before rehab, there were many timed I’d stop using for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, but I lost the battle to the cravings every time. I could not do it without the assistance of the medication and the counseling, and there’s absolutely no reason to be ashamed of that. As much as I told myself this battle could not be won, it CAN be. I just wish I would’ve sought help way earlier, before I wasted ten years that I can never get back. Even if you’re skeptical, as was I, please consider it. there IS somewhere you can go. You are not alone, and you are not helpless. I’ve met so many ex heroin users who’ve been helped by this. Even the very challenging cases, where they’ve OD’d, died, and been brought back to life only to start using again, because the grip of their addiction was that powerful. I’ve met so many of them that are now living successful, happy lives; their days of addiction so far behind them that it only feels like the vague memories of a bad dream. All you need is you, and your willingness to break out of the abyss, as well as your desire for a better life. If you need help searching for a place to go to get help, I’d be overjoyed to help you find that. This is the most awful, unspeakable disease to live with. And as addicts, whether active or recovering, we have to have each other’s backs, because anyone outside of addiction will never understand.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Are you still on subxonoe? How long did you have to take it, if not.
        ItI have a friend that’s been on it for over a year and she nods off in meetings. It doesn’t seem to help her as she seems to be still dependent and out of it, half the time. It feels like she just substituted one drug for another.

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      2. Rachel I read your story about u using pain pills for ten yrs i am a current user of opiates I spend so much money it’s crazy I can’t go one day without or it’s like my anxiety gets bad cause I’m scared of the WD that I seen ppl in my family go thru I been a user of opiates for almost 20 yrs I tried to go to a saboxian clinic but only to find out they charge 200.00 for every visit and I didn’t have the money for that so I’m asking you could u please find out info for me I’m in Ohio or guide me on where to start I need help also thank you

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    6. Jenifer I don’t know you or where you are but everybody needs somebody and I will help you in anyway I can.
      my brother died on Jan 4 th .. 3 days ago from his 3rd and final overdose. Life is worth living and if you want help I’m here. If you reply back then I will give you my contact info.

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    7. Jennifer, there are two places I have found through my own research that I am very impressed with for you to look up. The first and best one in my opinion is TROSA in N.Carolina and the other is Team Challenge, which has locations across the U.S. TROSA is a self funded Two Year program so there is no cost to you. Team challenge has a cost but will work with you if money is a problem. All of the others that I found are out to make a buck.

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      1. Amanda, NC has a lot of resourses for help. If there is insurance, Fellowship Hall in Greenboro is one of the best in the nation. They now have extended stay.
        A free treatment center, DayMark in High Point you can stay longer than 28 days even up to 4 months, then they will help you get long term treatment.
        Then there is Caring Services, in High Point, that is a 1-2 year recovery program that has been very sucessful for people wanting recovery. They have in house IOP and require a meeting so many days a week. They require you to start paying for treatment, $100.00 a week, after 90 days. They help you find work, help with transportation, and have lots of meetings close by. And as suggested above TROSA and others.

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    8. Jennifer there is a place in south fla called faith farm ministries check out on the internet.I will post my story soon ,im in recovery as well from heroin addiction and by the grace of God I have 2.5 years.Don’t loose hope it can be done if your willing to allow God to change every aspect of your life and trust him.Good luck and God bless you.Jeff Soden

      Liked by 1 person

    9. You need to go to a drug counselor or psychiatrist, and get a prescription for Suboxone. The hardest part in the beginning is getting over the sickness. If you’ve been sick before you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t then read everyone’s statements on this thread and truly believe everything they’re saying. It’s absolute hell. That will get you over the beginning hump, but you then must continue with the counselor, and go to meetings, get a sponsor, and take the steps. You won’t be able to do this on your own. Don’t be afraid to get help. There are many people at NA that know exactly how you feel and will be your friend. Google NA meetings near your home and just do it. They’re all free, and you’ll have the opportunity to go to a meeting every day if you choose. Good luck. Hope this helped.

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    10. Talk to somebody in a na program!! There is always a person out there to help u!! I believe in u!! U r human and need to know u have a purpose in life ..Plz get help and don’t let the devil have ur soul! Go to rehab ur so worth it..Dig deep inside and out a stop to the devil get into ur soul!!! U can do it!!

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    11. Im in the same boat. No one has fought for me like all off these other parents and friends have fought for their loved ones. Theyve made little attempts but nothing serious , no one has ever came and dragged me out of my home or anything like that.. Sucks to read these stoties & think that no one really cares about you like that , but they do.. Different families just have different ways of showing they care.. It will get better for both of us.. I can promise you that.

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      1. Some times tough love lets people get to their bottoms quicker. Your family may not want to suffer with you.
        But the best help is those of us who have gone through what you are going through. 28 years clean and sober

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    12. The Salvation Army can help. They have adult rehabilitation centers (ARC) all over the world. And they are free! I am a counselor at the one in San Francisco California and can help you get into one. They are 6-12 month residential treatment facilities. Please call me. (415) 643-8025. That is my direct line. God Bless you Jennifer. Make the call.

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    13. Where are you from? I’ve been in recovery for over 20 years. Call the Narcotics Anonymous hotline and get to a meeting. You will get help there. Good luck!

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    14. Hey if you really want to quit I’ll give you my contact info. Just reply to me. I don’t care where you live either. I’m a recovering addict as well. I know this demon and will do anything to help people be free of it. Love and light to you! 💖

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    15. Jennifer, there is hope, as long as there is a heartbeat! You still have one. Look up Teen Challenge (not just for teens). Starfish Projects. Teen Challenges are all over the country. Find one. Do it now! Praying you will look, seek and find. Our Father holds you, allow Him to grant you peace and release.

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    16. It is one of the deepest struggles in the world … live with my bf we never can seem to stop every time rehab ends or start outpatient and stop and run out of subs go straight back never ending hell

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  8. I know what you have been through i just recently over-dosed on 11-26-16 i was found in my car by a cop so i took that as a sign for me to get help and i went to detox the next day after 6 days there I decided to go to a residential rehab for 30 days and from there I decided to go to sober living because I was not ready to go home thank you for telling your story I know it’s hard

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  9. What an amazing story in so many ways. Amazing that you were able to tell it so that others know what this drug can do to someone, ( most addicts can’t come forward and admit that they have a problem) but you did. That was your firsr step of finding yourself again. Amazing that you had a family that was there for you when you needed them the most and AMAZING that you were able to kick the devil in his balls and over come your addiction. Thank you for sharing what you went through.

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  10. Thank you for telling your inspiring story! Sadly, my younger brother wasn’t as fortunate and died from an overdose before we knew that he had a problem💔 Your post helps me shed a little more light on what he was going through. God must have big plans for you!

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  11. Congratulations on your recovery! My ex boyfriend is an addict and he tells me all the time he wants to be clean however he goes right back to using. I’ve seen the hell he went through withdrawing same as you. It’s scary for us non users to see the pain you go through getting this poison out of your system. He now lives 1200 miles away and I found out just yesterday he is now shooting up and I’m beyond sickened by his disease. He been to countless rehabs and NA meetings and leaves after a day or 2. He is miserable with life and blames everyone around him for his addiction 😕May God Bless all of you in your journey to recovery.

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  12. I lost my baby sister to A heroin overdose May 18,2015. One of her Best Friends died of a heroin overdose this past year (2016). It is taking way to many lives! Be thankful you are one of those who lived to tell your story! My little sister didn’t get that chance. She was 23 when she passed away. I pray for anyone that is a heron addict to overcome that terrible addiction. There is so much more joy to life than that drug! I just wish my baby sister could have had, just one more opportunity to get her life together, she wanted to get it together but the drug didn’t allow her too.

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    1. Sorry to hear about your sister, Heather. It’s sad, but most heroin addiction comes from pharmaceutical use that we get from a doctor. You can go into the pain clinic and literally get a couple different opiate prescriptions without much hassle. It must be stopped at the highest level, and that level is the richest of the rich. The “legal” drug dealers pay lobbyists that pay our government officials to keep pushing these deadly drugs into our communities. Then don’t school you on how to get off them. You can get over $1 a mg for opiate prescriptions on the street. A pain clinic will write a script for 180 30mg oxycodone with ease. That’s just one of the scripts their legally allowed to write a month. That’s an average of 6 30mg percocets a day for the one script. That’s insane, if you’ve ever had a regular 5mg percocet, you know how strong that can be without a tolerance. Taking a 30mg perc is like taking 6 of the normal ones. Then multiply that by 6 more times a day and that’s just one script the clinics are allowed to write per month. So these patients often don’t take all of them because lets be real, they don’t need them. So they sell them to people on the street for at least $30 for just 1 of the 180 they get a month. Imagine the money they could make, and they know it. 180 x $30 for the whole script can fetch them at least $5,400 a month. People waste their money and love doing it for these opiates. The problem then is they become addicted and start spending all their money on it. Whatever way they can get their hands on money to buy just one more. Even if it means stealing from your own family and friends. Eventually they lose the trust of everyone around them and they don’t care because all they can think about is how they’re going to get their next fix. That’s really just the beginning of what’s to come. They hear that they can buy heroin for a fraction of the price, and get a better high. The rest, 90% of the time is history. Rock bottom doesn’t even have a say most of the time. You completely become dependent on this horrible drug and life becomes lifeless. It’s so sad to see good people fall in the grips of addiction because most of the time it’s not their fault. Not everyone gets addicted like everyone else, and those who are more prone to it have to be extra careful, because before you know it your addicted and just want more and more. One is too many, and a million is not enough.

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  13. Your story was incredible! To have overcome your addiction and to be free of that demon is nothing short of a miracle. It gives parents like us the hope that our adult children may someday be heroin-free and become the parents they used to be. The children suffer in silence and it just breaks our hearts to see the things their parents are missing out on. Detox and jail have not seemed to deter them. Even the death of partners and other loved ones has not shaken this devil! BUT your story gives us hope. And the determination to encourage our children to read this and take action. THANK YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!

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  14. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a nephew that is an addict. I worry everyday about getting a phone call that he’s overdosed, or gone. And it definitely is the whole family who suffers. Not just the one doing the heroine or drug of choice at the time. It’s everyone who cares about you. Thank you again for your story.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your story. I was addicted to heroin for 2 years. I overdosed and died three different times in the ambulance. When I got out of the hospital, I went to my local methadone clinic. I was there for about a year before I found a doctor who would prescribe me subutex. I was on subutex for 5 years. In my mind, since I wasn’t doing heroin or any “illegal” drugs, I thought I was fine. I mean, I did use that time to straighten up my life and get a job etc., but I still wasnt clean. My boyfriend, who ended up helping me get off of the subutex and get fully clean, helped me and stuck by my side through everything. I havent touched anything in 3 years, but it is a struggle sometimes, especially if I’m stressed out or my PTSD is acting up.. But I just keep soldiering on bc I saw firsthand how bad my life could be and how much I’ve changed. Thanks again for your story. Keep up the good work.

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  16. I don’t feel sorry for anyone that stupid to do the stuff if u want to die then do it in private where nobody will find u then u will die for sure

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    1. Your a sick individual Cindy.. If you have nothing nice or inspiring to say then why even comment. Its people like you that make our world so horrible. May God be with you in your hateful mind..

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Cindy you just dont know… I’m 43. Been clean 1 yr 3 months.. never even tried pot or any other drug until a back injury when I was 34 the dr gave me pain pills , before I knew it years of my life were gone… Did many things Im not proud of… This “good girl” ended up right there with many other good people… Once it has its evil grip on you, you become someone you dont even know anymore… I worked in a hospital… I should have known better! But it took over my body and soul… I could not stop… Missed out on years of life… Life with my children… How you could judge and wish someone to die alone is beyond me.. I pray for you, because I used to think like you.. then BAM… It was my life…. All started with a Dr telling me I was OK and would be fine… I wasn’t like ” those people”… Well guess what… “Those people” they saved my life.. I lived with them in rehab… I was no different then them… Well I was lucky. I had a good home growing up. I had, many didn’t they knew drugs before they knew themselves.. they are the ones who reached out to me and saved my life… So be careful who you judge.. they just my be the ones there for you in your darkest moments.. God bless all of you strong ” those people” and the families that stand by to help them.. noone starts out with the intentions to hurt themselves or others… Just wanting relief of pain in some form or another.. don’t judge and be part of the problem… Lend a helping hand or a kind word and become part of the solution!

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    3. yes you are very sick Hope you never have to deal with addictions yourself/ loved ones ! but why comment when its obvious you don’t have a clue about it nor do you care to that its your opinion that matters to you and you only ! Keep it to yourself

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    4. What a good way to set an addict back, Cindy. You obviously don’t understand the disease of addiction. I do want to tell you that when addicts are no longer using and can “feel” again, they experience guilt over their addiction and sometimes hatred for themselves and what they’ve done. They need, and deserve, encouragement. A comment like you made could easily set an addict back into that dark place they fought so hard to get out of. I am not an addict – my son is in recovery and I’ve worked with addicts in my line of work. Please trust me when I say that although you have the freedom to post your comment, it could hurt many people reading it.

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    5. Obviously you or no one you love is an addict or recovering ,which is great i wish it upon no one. If you or they were you would have a different out look.

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    6. Cindy I pray God touches your heart one day. I hope you never have to deal with losing a loved one to this nasty horrible disease. Perhaps this story struck a nerve and you are just trying to ‘show out’ or be ‘hard’. Whatever the reason, I am praying for you as well as everyone who took the time to share their testimony. It’s hard to do, they should be applauded and lifted up, instead of jabbed with negative comments. God loves you and wants you to have a full happy life as well.
      💙💗

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    7. you’re a miserable human being. people here are trying to be compassionate, understanding and helpful to each other and the addicts in their lives (even if they don’t always deserve it). so, how about you keep your shitty thoughts to yourself.

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  17. You describe this very well. It is just like a black hole and God is always waiting for us to call for help. We receive his help but not always in the way we expect to. God reached in and saved me it took getting a 4 year prison sentence but it was what I needed. Clean now for 25 months and starting to spread hope to others caught in darkness.

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  18. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have been to the point you were, using just because she does. She talks about how bad it is but keeps using. Ok, then use with me. Teach me. Watch me destroy myself!
    Thankfully, I didn’t make that choice! But I have thought about it so many times. If we both use maybe she will hang with me more. I know that’s stupid thinking! And I didn’t.
    However, she still does. And I feel so freaking helpless! I share stories like yours with her as often as i can. She talks about recovery but never makes any serious moves to quit.
    Please say a prayer when you have a minute!
    Thanks again!
    Scott

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  19. wow cindy; what a hater…everyone knows that due to the pushing of opioids like oxy etc, a lot of people became addicts. idk any family that isn’t affected by some sort of addiction. shame on you. until you walk in someone elses shoes you never know what they are going through. it is an epidemic, an American tragedy and is being supported by our open border policies…be strong and keep up the good work my friend. there are a lot of people who need your support.

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  20. I am completely in awe and inspired by your story. You are such a beautiful writer and vulnerability isn’t easy yet I feel like you shared it to reach that one who’s life will be changed by you sharing. You had hopes that you’d reach one life if it wasn’t thousands or hundreds but, you did! Being open about where you’ve been, where you are, and how you got there is truly amazing. The road leading up to where you are now wasn’t easy, yet you pushed yourself b/c you knew you are worth living a full life. I’d love to share my story with you if you could and wouldn’t mind listening or getting in contact with me.
    Xoxo

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  21. I have been clean since November5th 2016 and I take it one day at a time I used for over ten years and I just can’t keep putting my kids though that life so I got help and I will stay clean cause I don’t want to lose my family again

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  22. I am so glad you survived to write such a personal story of how you were saved to help others realize they are not alone in their feelings and experiences under similar circumstances. Our son, like you, experienced so many comparable experiences but overdosed when he was released from prison and his girlfriend needed drugs to get into rehab!

    Coming recently out of prison, he was so susceptible to an overdose especially when it was found a week later that the heroin baggie she had given to him was laced with fentanol. Like in your writing, he too, thought he was ok and would never overdose. He would help others before himself. But to be really given a chance of recovery an addict needs to be selfish and put their well-being before anyone elses. That was John’s downfall, even though I discussed this very point with him six months before he overdosed. I came home from a trip and found him dead in his room after having spoken with him 16 hours before about arrangements on where to pick me up at the airport.

    I will never forget that call and to all addicts always end your conversations to your friends and relatives with “I love you” as you never know if you will ever see or speak with them again. I remember these last words to and from John – and will forever.

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  23. As a mother of a recovering addict, I thank you for sharing your story. This may help many addicts suffering from this disease as well as the parents who may now have some hope! Sharing this was selfless and courageous. I truly wish you the best – you deserve to live a long, happy life ❤🙏🏻

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  24. Happy for you! I’ve been there and done that and have a million horror stories to tell. I’m 12 years clean now from IV heroin use (2005). You can do it! Stay strong, stay clean… and do it for yourself!
    Cheers 🙂

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  25. I prayed for years that my son would live the skills he learned. The first time, he spent about 6 months in a rehab…the second, was for a whole year. Both times, he said all the things I wanted to hear, but it never was long before he ended up back with his “buddies”. We all tried to help him, we all made a safe place for him…he always went with “them”. My son lost the fight in June of last year. I am going to share your story of survival in the hope that just one person will decide they are worth it. Bless you for being bold and strong enough to out your journey out there.

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  26. Thank you for sharing your story.it seems as if a lot of people experienced the same things when using. After reading your story and a few comments and my own personal life i can relate a lot.Your first time was out of spite…i did the exact same thing! Then i went through a rollercoaster of using ..not using…using not using etc. I was clean for 2 years then I started up again.I died 3 times in 5 months waking up once with bruises on me. Once in a car wreck and once in icu.ive had a tip break into my arm,got arrested,lost my family and friends. That feeling of going so long being clean then the one “fuck it ” day its only one time and u can stay clean after it pops into my head and i used. The amount of shame and guilt i felt afterwards …but it was already to late.Im now participating in an op program.Recovery will always be a day to day process for me but I continue to stay positive and focused.

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  27. I was a heroine addict also! I went through a lot of the same things and finally had to get my life and mind back. I have now been clean since July 8 2008. Almost 9 years, I have a wonderful life, a loving husband and beautiful 2 year old daughter. I thank god everyday. I am happy to know you have your life back and a loving family that support you. Good luck with your recovery.

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  28. I wish my sister would have that same epiphany. She’s been in and out of rehab for now her seventh time with two known overdoses. She is sitting in rehab taking what seems to us like a vacation from her life for the seventh time. When it first happened.. The first three times or I
    So we didn’t think of it this way but now here we are.. 7 rehab stints later.. Few jail stints.. Prison… Losing guardianship of her four kids. Mom having a heart attack from stress later. . there she sits. In not talking bad about her I love her and always will I am so hurt and upset with her for seemingly choosing the drug over us. I know it’s much more than that but from the outside looking in its sometimes hard to see it.

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  29. You are an idiot. Im 35 and for a long time i have always know the heroin is highly addictive. It also supports terrorism. If young people do not know that this drug is highly addictive and kills many people then you are an idiot and need to leave this earth. Grow up and take responsibility and stop being dumb people! If you decide to take it then stop posting your stories because i really don’t care and only blame you.

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      1. Your story inspired me…the people who leave hateful posts either are scorned for whatever reason,or ignorant to the fact.i have family who loves and supports me,i was extremely successful,vowed I would never use a needle… needless to say,i did…. not as successful as I was,lost many relationships…and now have died around 20 times.ive made jokes I can’t die,but really,i know God has walked with me,for what,im not sure.however , reading that success story of yours tells me that if I’m alive ,it’s not too late.im sure you have impacted many others the same way.keep doing well and sharing,u are a beacon of light for so many living in the dark! thank you!

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    1. If you don’t like certain stories, simply don’t read them. You have done nothing but polish your soapbox here. No one suffering with addiction needs any of your advice or opinion. You are not needed, and have no relevance here, as you do not have any understanding of the problem or desire to understand. So take your perfect life and all of your perfect decisions and knowledge about everyone and everything and bugger off.

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      1. I just traded that drug to another drug but at least I’m prescribed it and at least I don’t do heroin anymore

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      2. Thank you for sharing your story. Our son was addicted to heroin and we can relate to everything you talked about. We are fortunate that he has been clean and living “free” for six years. I don’t talk about it much because unless you or your loved one has experienced this horror it is truly difficult to understand. (If nothing else has come out of this trial I trust I am more humble and less judgemental with others). At the time we could find no medical help that was affordable but mom’s can have incredible persistence when needed and we eventually connected with a pain clinic that would help him. My husband and I “crawled” through each day of discovering his addiction and getting him on the road to recovery. It was literally “the faith of a few close friends” that got us through. We didn’t have the strength to pray ourselves (except to cry out “help”) but our friends never quit having hope for us and our son. He wanted help but he couldn’t do it on his own. I am glad that there is now more awareness of this terrible epidemic and more help available even in our small area. Our son grieves over his former friends who had no help (most have died or gone to prison). He is dating a girl who has been a very positive force in his life. He also moved away. We miss him but are grateful for his new lease on life. I know someday he’ll be able to share his story like you have done and in the process helpnsomeone else have hope! God Bless!

        ..

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    2. Jack you are the idiot not everyone else. It is cheap it is easy to get and dealers are a dime a dozen. It is the number one drug these days. Any one knows pill and heroin is addicting. That is not the point. The issue now is that it is more powerful now because of what is being added to it. People are turning to it because it is easier to get. Unless you have been an addict or had one in your family you have no clue. I pray karma does not come back on you for being so
      ignorant. So leave the page no one ask for your opinion anyway.

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  30. Wow I wish the people in my family were like you. You had to strength to stop and never do it again. My family? That’s a whole different story. They’ve been at it for over 10 years. Overdosed more times than I can count. I’m 18 and have never done a drug in my entire life. I have C-PTSD because of it all. I hear them doing drugs in the bathroom every single day. There’s no spoons in my house. Half of them have HIV from dirty needles. They have stole literally EVERYTHING i’ve ever owned (including clothes). They cook drugs right in front of me. I get called a “brat” and “crybaby” daily. They always say, “It’s not hurting you!” or “Rehab is for quitters” or “drug addicts hurt no one but themselves”. Because i’m 18 now the government doesn’t care about me anymore. I’m expected to do everything on my own and I can’t. I’m failing all of my online classes. They scream so loud at each other every day. I have Aspergers so I am SO sensitive to loud noises. Suicide enters my mind everyday because of heroin, and i’m not even the one doing it. Drug addicts have ruined my life. I just want to say I am so proud of you for having the strength it get off of it. You’re my hero, and I hope that maybe someday my family will follow in your footsteps.

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    1. Holly, i am so sorry to hear about the pain your family’s addiction has caused you. your words truly broke my heart. i want you to know, as much as i think addiction takes over peoples mindset and alters the thinking process, there is absolutely NO excuse to handle addiction the way they have. (in front of you or calling you names) You are 18 years young and have your entire life ahead of you. i am so proud of you for never turning to drugs in order to numb yourself, and to take the hell you’ve gone through as a lesson to never go down that path. God is on your side, i am on your side, you are going to come out on top. stay strong, stay brave, and reach out to me anytime you would like. YOU are my hero. ❤

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  31. My name is Winter Kirkpatrick, I’m twenty one and I am the child of a herion addict. When I was four my father OD’ed on herion and if it wasn’t for my mom he wouldn’t be here today.
    He has spent most of my life in jail because of drugs. I tried to get him help so that his children would have something to do with him. But your right you can’t help an addict that doesn’t want help. I know because I’ve been a cocaine addict for 4 years. I’ve got help and I’ve been clean since I was nineteen. The one thing that hurts parents or children of addicts is you never know when or if they are coming home. I almost lost my dad sixteen years ago and he still hasn’t changed … And sadly may never. Luckily for me it didn’t take me over dosing to see I had a problem. It just took one look in the mirror and seen I was becoming just like my father … An addict. Now I can say I’m a healthy, successful, married 21 year old. If it wasn’t for my father being the way he is .. It might of took me until I OD’ed or worse for me to change. But I’m glad that I did.

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  32. thank you for sharing your life-story…..my daughter is a heroin addict….but has been clean over 2 years….has 2 babies and a wonderful man in her life who keeps her clean and she has learned there is more to life than the drug of choice…..but have lost many more to this devil and hope that you can help more learn you can get away from the grips of hell and live without heroin…. stay well….be good and stay safe!!! live your life and be happy!

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  33. Thank you for that wonderful share! I myself was addicted to pills and coke. My daughters father overdosed in our bedroom and died. That’s when I got myself back. I too never talked to my parent stopped calling everyone and just lived for my habit. 8 years clean and loving life. I thank god everyday because it could of been me. Its a battle I will have the rest of my life but I have amazing support now and a loving fiance. My future is bright and I now look forward to it all.

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  34. Thanks for sharing your story so people can better understand how easily addiction can strike good people. My son had 4 knee surgeries in high school due to sports and we did not realize the pain pills prescribed to him made him addicted and then the pills became impossible to obtain so then he did heroin. He went to jail for 21 days for heroin possession and was out for a few weeks only to overdose. My husband performed cpr on him and got him breathing again before the ambulance arrived. His probation officer put him back in jail. We really want him to go to an in-house rehab, but not sure if they are going to allow it with court dates impending. It really has been a night mare and I pray to God every day that I will say and do the right things to try to help him get better. God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful life!❤️️

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  35. Pretty much what I went through. Never overdose but I am grateful didn’t experience that. Now I have a kid and another one the way, and all I think is it could have been missing out on such a great family I help create. Thank you for sharing this story.

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  36. To all of you who have fought this battle and won my heart and soul go out to each and every one of you. I am a mother of a beautiful 23 year old daughter who is a recovering heroin addict. She started at 15 taking pulls and it went from there. ….long story short she too went to jail, rehabs, was on probation she stole lied and turned into a person I didn’t even know. This drug IS a demon and it stole my precious baby. Finally…we found a place called Recovery Ventures in Black Mountain NC. It’s a 2 yr program which in my heart of hearts I believe saved her life. She has recently graduated and working making great money. She has so much more confidence and her self esteem is back. Her life is just beginning now. I’m writing this in hopes anyone who needs help and can get to Recovery Ventures PLEASE do so. If you can’t afford the entry fee of 300 they will waive it! You are all worth it. Seeing what my daughter went thru it broke my heart. I am so thankful and blessed to still have her. I wish recovery for you all. God loves you and I pray for you all.

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    1. Addiction is very much a REAL disease. I have Type 1 Diabetes, and I am also a melanoma survivor. I wake up everyday and make the CHOICE to check my blood sugar and count my carbs and take my insulin. I made the CHOICE to have 6 inches by 3 inches of skin removed from my upper back to be safe and be sure they got all of the melanoma out of my body. An addicts brain is different than yours or mine. They are naturally low on dopamine. Be it caused by early childhood trauma, or if they are predisposed it whatever, theirs just does not function correctly. Drugs raise dopamine levels. You give someone a drug, it raises their dopamine to levels they’ve never experienced, but when that drug is gone their dopamine levels are also at the lowest level never experienced before so they seek out that feeling again. 18 years ago I found out I was diabetic. Type 1 juvenile onset. Had nothing to do with my lifestyle or weight. It just happened and I have to deal with it every single day. I wake up and check my sugar and cover my carbs, and change my infusion sites every 2-3 days and I make those choices because I want to live a healthy life for as long as possible. I didn’t deserve to get skin cancer at the age of 30. A single mother with a 1 year old baby. But it happened and I had it treated and everyday make the choice to protect my skin. Wear sunscreen, limit sun exposure, etc. Addicts do not ask to become addicts. They do not purposely set out to ruin their lives or the lives of everyone that love them. It just happened to them the way diabetes and cancer happened to me. HOWEVER only they can stop and make the CHOICE not to use to live a healthy life for as long as possible. No I’ve never been an addict. I have loved and supported many but have never personally battled it. Addiction is very much a disease like any other, and before leaving ignorant comments on a story meant to inspire and create change I suggest education yourself.

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  37. I too was affected by an addiction…not from myself but my brother. I saw forsthand what drugs can do. His was Methadone. We lost him after failed attempts at rehab, it’s been almost 5 years now. Still miss him so many things left unsaid for me to him. This was and is so hard to watch someone u love downward spiral and no matter how many times u try, they do really have to help themselves. But i still feel as if i could’ve helped more. Done something. Accidental OD and his son of seven years of age found him when he went to wake him up. Now a boy has no father, and that father was my nephews hero. And a good father he was even towards the end….plz get help whom ever may need it. U really do get one chance, maybe two if u survive the first OD….my brother wasnt so lucky. Its so hard to go on day to day without him. Hearing this from someone else actually being an addict was touching. My brother always told me he wanted to stop. But when he didnt have those drugs, he said it was like a demon telling him he had to have it, he needed it, constant…it never went away. While he was clean for two months, he relapsed. And thats what ended his life. We miss and love him dearly. Thank u for your touching story and God Bless you fpr your strength and courage to fight the good fight and not be statistic and get your life in order. Alot of others arent so lucky. :/

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  38. I have a family member addicted to alcohol, prescription drugs, & pot and I pray not heroin but I don’t know. I love her so much and so do others around her. We finally had an intervention of sorts and she is reaching out for help. She had the sweetest little 5 year old boy and I know she wants to get clean. I gave her this song and pray for her daily and I know it’s not easy. Good bless you for this post. I pray others are touched by this song from Casting Crowns. One Step is all it takes.

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  39. Reading this story is absolutely touching. My sister is a heroine and meth addict and it’s been the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. Her and I used to be so close. We were best friends, we did everything together. She ended up meeting a new group of friends and starting using meth and heroine. Now, I don’t even know who she is. We aren’t close anymore. It’s like she isn’t my sister because meth and heroine have overcome her life and took my best friend away from me. Heroine is the worst of them all. It’s a very disgusting drug and so hard to come off from. I’ve never used meth or heroine, and don’t ever plan to. But I’ve seen what it does to people and people that surround them. Because I’m a victim dealing with a drug addict of a sister.

    The people that have overcome that addiction and now are clean, they are the most strongest people out there. Fighting that addiction and becoming a better person for themselves is just absolutely inspiring. I believe that people can do it, it just takes time for them to actually want to get help. I hope soon, that will be my sister. I hope she will overcome this strong addiction and become someone she has always wanted to be. There’s always hope and I’m never giving up on her.

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