My Dance With The Devil #Heroin

When I was first introduced to heroin it was by my boyfriend at the time. We will just call him “Walter.” I wasn’t aware of his drug use prior to moving in, but as time went on I started to catch on, and within weeks I started to uncover what was truly going on behind the scenes. But little did I know, I was about to dive head first into this black hole called “Heroin.” I use the term black hole because that’s exactly what it is. You start by peaking into the unknown, telling yourself at any moment you can stand up and run home. Never do you imagine yourself falling so far down, with nothing to hold on to- no one to call out too for help. You’re just free falling—and then everything goes black.

Ever since I was a little girl my favorite movie has always been Alice in Wonderland. It’s ironic that this experience felt a lot like the plot of my favorite childhood movie. I was just a young girl, curious about the world around me. Curious of that black hole, and once I fell down, I was lost, Just wanting to get home. The first time I tried heroin was out of spite, Out of anger and sadness.  I didn’t understand why Walter couldn’t quit. I’ll never forget that night. I was crying and so upset, I locked myself in the bathroom of our apartment (where I found another stash hidden) and told Walter, “If you think this is okay to do to yourself, then you can watch what it does to me.” It sounds so stupid now, I know. But that’s where I was. I was watching someone I cared for throw his life away. And for a second I thought maybe I could change his life. But the only life I changed that night was my own. It took me one time… one small line of brown powder, and I was hooked.

I convinced myself that everything was fine, I mean I wasn’t shooting the stuff up… that’s what the “real addicts do,” right? No. that’s where people are highly mistaken; Just because you don’t have track marks on your arm doesn’t make you any better than the dope head sitting next to you nodding off, with a needle in his vein. I just happen to be a little queasy around needles, so I never went that route. i would say four months in to this addiction I found myself living a double life. I quit answering phone calls, I quit going home to see my parents, I shut myself off from the people I loved most. Because these are the people that can see through me, and I knew if I were to be around them they would know something was wrong. I was ashamed of who I was, I was ashamed of the person I had become. I never went a day without this drug for over a year.

I went through my worst set of withdraws one night and I swear it’s like your own personal hell. I sat in the passenger seat of my car kicking in my dashboard and pleading to God “Please just make all of this go away.” I called numerous rehabs hoping to find one that would take my insurance. But of course they wouldn’t take insurance and I felt hopeless. I felt as if the rest of my life would be dedicated to this drug. I was so angry with myself, I was so angry with God. I felt like he wasn’t listening to me, he wasn’t helping me. I needed him, I needed him to save me because I couldn’t save myself.

Walter and I drove that morning to pick up another sack of heroin. I had been withdrawing for about 14 hours at this point. We got it, opened the bag up and poured some out on my center consul. I remember picking up that dollar bill and feeling the drugs enter my body. I took a huge gulp of blue Gatorade to get the discussing taste out of my mouth and then everything went black.

One red light- that’s how far Walter got before looking over at me, to find my face blue, my eyes shut, and I was making funny noises with my throat. Walter described the sounds as if I were drowning, gasping for air. Not even a full minute from when that drug entered my system, and I was dead. That’s what people don’t understand about this drug. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve done it, all it takes is that ONE time, and your life is over.

I woke up in the backseat of my boyfriend’s mom’s car. She had come to meet us in the parking lot of where he had pulled over. They laid me in the back of her car until the ambulance arrived. I woke up confused and foggy; I thought I had been in a car wreck.  I didn’t know where I was, how I got there, or what happened. The ambulance had shot me up with narcan; after probably 20 minutes of being lifeless, within seconds I was back.

God answered my prayers that day. I was taken to the hospital where my family came to join me; they didn’t know what to say or how to act. I was throwing up, my memory was all over the place. I didn’t even know what to say to them. I just laid there. My mom and step dad were at my apartment gathering all of my belongings while my dad and stepmom were speaking to the nurses and helping me talk with a psychiatrist. They brought me home that night. The date was 11/19All I ever wanted to do was come home.

For two weeks I laid in my room going through withdraws. Cold sweats, restless legs, vomiting, sharp pains running through my body. I got up a hand full of times within those two weeks. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink anything, I just wanted to sleep but that would make it all too easy. It’s impossible to sleep. I was on lockdown. My dad took away my phone; my car was parked at my moms. I had no way out and being that my dad lives in a gated community, he made sure that no one had a way in. my mom would drive over to my dad’s to bathe me… yes that’s right. I couldn’t even take a shower on my own. The water felt like a thousand knives stabbing me in every inch of my body.

When the pain got the worst of me I remember trying to leave. My dad wrestled me to the ground as I beat the shit out of him. There was nothing easy about this process, for any of us. My parents had to be strong when I couldn’t and I thank them for that. When you’re an addict you think everyone is your enemy, but in the long run they’re the ones saving your life.

I stayed clean for about two months. Until I didn’t;

The next time I did heroin I overdosed, a second time. The date was 1/06

I don’t even like to talk about this day because it was just plain dumb. Why I would ever touch the stuff again is beyond me. But I did. And here we are.

My stepmom did CPR on me for over 30 minutes waiting for an ambulance to show up. I woke up on my bedroom floor after being shot up with narcan (again) with nothing but regret and disgust. But through that relapse I found myself again. I didn’t know who I wanted to be or where I wanted to go. I did however know who I didn’t want to be and where I didn’t want to go. And that was one of two options. Dead or in jail. I picked up the pieces of my life that day and GREW THE HELL UP. Not many people get a second chance at life, they defiantly don’t get a third. I was one of the lucky ones which is why I’m sharing my story.

I wouldn’t wish this disease on my worst enemy and i wish I could take the needle from an addicts arm and make them realize what a beautiful world they have waiting for them. But its up to them, and you cant help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It’s a tough uphill battle but its worth it. I look back at those two weeks I spent in bed getting clean of this drug, and although it was hell… it was TWO weeks.

The important thing to remember once you get clean is to change your surroundings, cut off all people that use. I don’t care if they are your best friends, cut them off. And get your life back. And in time, you will inspire others to do the same. THAT’S what a friend is. That’s what taking control of your life is. You deserve it. You’re worth it.

You’re always ONE decision away from a totally different life.


 

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340 thoughts on “My Dance With The Devil #Heroin

  1. I lost my only daughter Oct 13, 2016 to this terrible drug! Our children are dropping like flies to this awful addiction! We must educate and work with our congressmen and senators to reform the prison system and the medical system to help save lives from this terrible addiction sweeping our nation!

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    1. I’m so sorry for your loss! You are correct we need something done and sending these kids to prison isn’t the answer! So much more needs/should be done!! Jail isn’t an answer, they wait it out or they get bailed out only to go right back to it!! I’ve experienced life on the inside watching these kids, talking with them and it’s very clear it’s going to take so much more!

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      1. I totally agree I did 2 yrs in prison. And yeah I had a friend overdose on heroine. It is very sad. People come in non addicts and leave addicts. It’s crazy.

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    2. I lost my brother yestetday morning approximately around 3 am after several years of addiction he was gone 😢 it has hurt our family deeply he is my baby brother who has 2 kids and a granddaughter one of his kids mother had died in a car wreck when she was only 2 she is now 16 i truly wished i could have done more im praying for all addicts who are no other than victims themselves. …Thank you for sharing …..RIH bubby 👐

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    3. I lost my husband on Jan 7 2017. I watched him have periods of clean time and always say he would never do it again. We have an 11yr son who watched his Dad on life support for 4 days. I too am an addict. I have 7 years clean on Jan 8 2017. The feelings of anger, hurt, depression are a daily thing. My son and I are lucky to have so many people who care about us. When he and I are cuddled up we have a blanket that covered my husband in the CCU. I am also a nurse and knew all about the horrible out comes of drugs. I ate too many ativans the night after his wake. I couldn’t deal with the pain that my son and our other kids felt. I went back to work 2 weeks after he died. I need to stay busy.

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      1. Congratulations on 7 years of sobriety. I hope to be like you some day. I’m sorry about your loss. You are an inspiration! I go into rehab today after being an IV heroin user for 6 years. I’m hoping to beat this addiction once and for all!

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    4. Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. As a recovering addict to pain pills, I understand just how helpless and addict (and their loved ones) can feel. Society needs to realize that no one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Addiction is a disease and should be treated accordingly. Addiction shouldn’t be less covered by medical providers or insurance than diabetes or cancer. However, for that to happen, I believe that we have to help people truly understand and remove the stigma that society places on the addicted. I cannot imagine the pain you are in. I will pray for you and hopefully together, those of us that understand the miserable truth can educate others!!! Much love…

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    5. We must also take away the stigma of this disease as a community and help those in recovery. They need to know that their past does not define them and that there are people around to support them in their efforts.

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    6. I was an addict probably the first time I found some painkillers in my parents medicine cabinet. I was 14. I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin. It’s like I had this huge void and nothing could make it go away. I’ve tried every drug in the book. I came from a good family only child. At 19 I had a fantastic job, I was always a functional addict. I had a Rolex seminar in the morning and I went to vet my 80 mg. Oxycontins, but I was told to try this powder in a little white square. I knew what it was and I had seen many people ruin their lives but I did it anyway and realized why people did it. That was the beginning of the end. Within a year my father figured it out when we were on a cruise I brought 2 bricks which is 100 bags and just had enough to get threw. My father is my best friend I went home to kick cold turkey and it’s just like the John Lennon song. It lasted about 20 days I was under 100 pounds. Of course I went back, I eventually started shooting it, that was a game changer. To get to the point I’ve probably been in 30+ detox and rehab, multiple arrests, incarceration, overdoses, homeless on the streets of Newark, NJ just praying to die. I wasn’t allowed anywhere near my home or my father would have me arrested. All my morals and values went out the window. I hated myself. I looked in the mirror and I had no clue who was looking back at me. I’ve experienced so much it was a he’ll I created and I couldn’t escape. Today I have almost 5 years clean. I live with my father, he’s my best friend. You can’t get clean for anyone as much as you love them. I had come to a point when I wanted to be clean more than I wanted to get high. You don’t even get high You get by. You do it to function there’s no pleasure in it. I’ll be 34 in September. So my battle was long. I’m go grateful for everything today. Please If this helps one person the he’ll I lived for so long would be worth it.

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  2. My father is now 36 years old and he has been addicted to heroin for 20 years. he has overdosed more times i can count. i’m 18 now and i haven’t seen my father in 14 years. no call on my birthday, no call on christmas, no call
    to see how i am. heroin has taken my father away from me. he is not the man he’s supposed to be and heroin ruined him. the last time i saw him, he was high on the couch and i couldn’t wake him up. as a 4 year old, i had to watch my fathers addiction. knowing he is suffering from his addiction has drawn me further away from drugs. heroin has taken any personality of my father away. he will never be the same. his girlfriend recently overdosed and was not saved, this caused him to do more heroin to cope. his addiction has lasted about 20 years now and everyday i pray he can get help. he has been to rehab multiple times and nothing can help. heroin is a crazy drug and it took my dad away from me. he’s still living on this earth, but he’s not truly here.

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    1. You are so very right when you say that your dad is functioning but him the dad is not here. My son watched his dad for 11 years until my husband passed Jan 7 2017

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  3. My son is now serving 6 to15 years because of heroin he also wrote his story in prison…It was published and it is called”My Turn: But its all we have-the life of a heroin junkie”…..I always said I was either going to bury him or he is going to prison..I am so happy you are clean and will pray you will stay that way. And I hurt for the parents and loved ones who lost someone because of the demon on their back. You can google his story and I pray it will help you to understand what this sickness is doing to our loved ones!

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    1. Iv tryed to google this bt all other things come up I’d love to read it bt so so sorry for your son and ur family for what u went thru may god bless u all

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing your story!! So many need to hear it. You will be a light for those in the darkness. So glad God granted you a good ending. xoxo

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  5. My brother is in prison now for heroin. He has overdosed numerous times, crashed a car that wasn’t his, stolen and pawned everything important to my family, lost custody of his daughter…the list goes on. His gf is 30 and had to have heart surgery and suffered a stroke. All because of heroin. Please God don’t EVER TRY IT ANYONE EVER! It destroys everything. Prayers that you stay clean girl.

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  6. Herion has been my number onr crippler. Becoming a full blown heroin addict at the age of 20. Wasn’t what I had planned for my future. I have been a wildchild my whole delinquent life. Experimented with different substances, mostly “party drugs” nothing hard core. Nothing I ever had a problem with using in moderation. It was fun.
    Then, too much fun. And I ended up with 3rd° frost bite on both of my feet after a long night of drinking, I found myself in a whole different state, middle of nowhere. Long story short I was admitted into the hospital, prescribed heavy pain killers. For 5 months. I was orally taking, morphine, oxy, ops. Thankfully I was able to have a successful recovery and didn’t have to get my feet amputated. However a way more sinister issue took place. I Was EXPERINCING extreme flu like symptoms, to later learn I was going through withdrawal. Opiate withdrawal.
    My life now, a iv herion user. Enslaved for the rest of my life until I can afford treatment

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    1. Malo. That is not your life, now. Your life is waiting for you once you put down that needle. As I was reading your post, just like the others, I was waiting for the moment … though, there isn’t one. Malo, “Until I can afford treatment” isn’t realistic or fact. I’m a recovered heroin addict in Pennslyvania and not sure where you reside, but Medicaid, Suboxone Treatment Programs (thousands of doctors are certified as having anywhere from 25 to 100 patients each. There’s also Methadone Clinics, there’s FREE rehab everywhere. In Allentown, PA, there’s the Lehigh Valley Drug Intake Unit. That place is where I went to find me somewhere to go. Through welfare, the public assistance office. There’s an OUT for you, Malo. You CAN afford treatment. We all CAN. You ARE alive and not ENSLAVED. I’m someone, at 32 going on 33 thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ, who knows what imprisonment is, what enslavement is — especially of the MIND. Your mind is enslaved. Your spirit is FREE, and, it is your heart which DESIRES MORE. Please Malo. There’s got to be someone in your Circle of Family or Friends, a GOOD supportive and caring person to help you get to whatever place will take you. You do not need “money”. Do not be deceived by commercials and hearsay. And most likely, you know in your heart already, and your mind, everything I am saying to you. Come on bro, I assume you’re a guy Malo, but either or – guy or girl – don’t tell yourself this is your life. You’re NOT an IV USER for life. NO WAY. Bro, you are ALIVE. A PERSON. You have GIFTS. TALENTS. ABILITIES. There is someone out there who cares for and loves you. Seriously. I’ve been so clean for so long, it’s like, there comes a time you get so far from heroin that you begin to ACTUALLY rediscover yourself and the personhood you once lost and compromised time and again for the drug. I’m telling you this out of my heart because I believe I was supposed to. May the Lord’s Holy Spirit lift you up and enliven in you the will and desire to push forward and get help! You are no a slave. Jesus came to Earth a slave to free us from enslavement (the slave trade of sin). We have been freed since before birth, it is written and it is truth. Pick up your bed and walk brother! Do not falter. No matter what you feel or may have done in the past, do not let the icky, deceptive thoughts and self-styled labels ruin and destroy yourself. Encourage yourself. Get support. Go anywhere: church, meeting, welfare office, hospital, anywhere — local pizzeria. Find someone, anyone and ask them to help you get to where you need to be. And that is RECOVERY. FREEDOM. In Jesus’ Name I pray over you, Malo, I know that is not your name, but God knows you–He’s known you even before you were born. He has an amazing and special purpose for you. May you find yourself and be lifted, redeemed, and given the gift of SALVATION. Amen.

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    2. malo, as tommy stated before, this is NOT your life. this is just a chapter of your life. although you wish you could rip it out of your book, you cant. your story is not over. the mind is MUCH more powerful than you think. i know those flu like symptoms all too well. as i stated in my article, i sat in my room for two weeks. door locked unless it was for someone to bring me water or when my mom came to see me. i didn’t have a phone, i didn’t have a car. all i had was myself and my mind. the good news is that heroin withdraws will not kill you. its not like withdrawing from alcohol. although it is tough and testing, you will find yourself again in the solitude of your mind. you can do this malo. i did it. tommy did it, you’re going to do it as well. and like tommy and myself, you’re going to look back one day and say damn, i made it. as odd as this may seem, i embraced those flu like symptoms. with every ache and every pain i thought to myself, “how lucky am i too still be here to feel anything at all?” we are praying for you malo, we are on your team. don’t make excuses for tomorrow. start today. start now. you’ve got this. we love you ❤

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      1. I just stopped using 2weeks ago as I am on subs and I hate them but some people don’t always have it easy or someone to lock them in a room I still think of using all the time to top it off I started using pills when I hurt my shoulder working out at age 22 and as years went on i lost a best friend and a lot of jobs i am lucky i still can turn it around and still go back to my good paying job but I am 32 and have a lot of money i owe i am am lucky I stopped now cus at 32 I should have done a lot more for my life I have always wanted a child and a family a home and we’ll I still have time but I have a rough road ahead of me to make up for ten years of time and a lot of money wasted please pray for me I have try to quit lots of time I have a girlfriend who uses pills and I care for her but it hard to be around her customers she also has a problem but she doesn’t think so I don’t know what to do please help me I do have my best friends girlfriend before he died to talk to who has been clean for 2 year but we had relations in the past and my current girlfriend won’t let me talk to her I do have feeling for her so I can see y but I don’t want to Hart my current girlfriend but she doesn’t want to move forward she wants it handed to her what do I do

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    3. Enslaved for the rest of your life until you can afford treatment.. sorry hun but you gotta know that’s lying to yourself. As an addict you’ll spend the money on drugs rather than treatment. Be honest with yourself.
      My husband was in a similar boat. Hurt his ankle when we were kick boxing together. Doctor put him on oxys. But then his friend offered him hydromorphone. And taught him how to shoot it.
      For 3 years he said the same things. I can’t afford to quit. I want to stop but can’t. I don’t want to do drugs for the rest of my life but I still wanna get high, just don’t want them to ruin my life… but nothing will ever feel as good as this high.
      He tried going on methadone but ended up using while doing it. Then tried suboxone but found it easier to go get drugs n steal than to make it to the sub clinic every day.
      Even though I stuck by him and lost everything trying to help him. It wasn’t enough. I had to leave him, in the cold, on the streets with nothing. I felt terrible but I knew we had no other option. He didn’t want to be sober enough n I couldn’t make him or change him. He wasn’t ready and for my safety I had to leave. It wasn’t till he took responsibility for his addiction and stopped blaming me, that he began to move in the right direction.

      I cut contact with him for my well being but my mom stayed in contact with him. I left him in June, it’s been 7 months on the street where he had to chose for himself what he truly wanted in life. He is now been sober for the last 3 months. He has said that nothing feels as good as being clean now.

      How bad do you wanna be clean? My husband wasn’t ready until he couldn’t function in society n had lost everything, his home, me his wife with our unborn little child growing inside me. 7.5 months along now.
      What are you waiting to lose?

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    4. I am so sorry you are going through this. I recently lost my son on January 2nd to a heroin overdose. My heart will never be the same. My son had the same issue…he was too old to be on my insurance and I couldn’t afford the $20-$30,000 a month for treatment. Now I wish I had sold everything just to try one more time. He leaves behind two little boys that will never grow up with their father. Please find strength in a higher being and attend as many AA or NA meetings as you can. Please don’t make your mother bury her son. It is the hardest thing ever…something I will never get over.

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    5. Malo My heart hurts for you. As a former addict myself I got addicted from having 5 back authors and was prescribed a ton of heavy pain medications. I have now been clean 4.5 years and when I got clean my husband and I were addicts and didn’t have jobs with a 4 year old. I went to rehab and they had programs at the rehab I was at for people who didn’t have any money, assets or insurance. I am currently on Methadone due to my pain and it keeps me from abusing opiates. Please please I am begging you to reach out to someone and beat this. You are a valuable person who has dreams, talents and people that love you. You CAN do this I am praying for you.

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    6. Trillium if I am spelling it right is a insurance company that will pay for no charge to you, a recovery program. I went to one in morehead city NC. Hope recovery homes

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  7. Your story is almost exactly like mine except I didn’t have an overdose and I got sent to prison. Thank you for sharing your story. You are amazing and you can keep going forward, dont ever turn around.

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  8. I lost my son one year ago to an overdose of heroin/fentanyl. He battled an addiction to prescription pain killers after a car accident left him with his back broken in four places. He stayed off the pills for over six months…seemingly doing well…complained of a severe headache one night and when we woke the next morning, he was gone. Sometime during the night he reached out to someone who brought him the heroin…it was the fentanyl that killed him, and the police detectives seemed certain that he likely did not know it was there. Not that it makes much of a difference at this point. Even at his worst, he was a “functioning” addict…good job, nice vehicle, church volunteer…and I just cannot unload this guilt that I did not see the full extent of his struggle. I am his mother, and I should have known…should have done more…and I miss him more than I can ever express. I let him down, and he knows this. 😦

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    1. I feel the same way just lost my son Jeff this past August 2016. The hole in my heart will never be repaired. I don’t know how many times he mixed “h” with whatever. Rehab didn’t work, as soon as he got out, he was at it. I was there when I heard his 1st.breath. And there to his last. Saddest moment of my life. It’s like a movie,and I’ll see Jeff rounding that corner any thim. He was 28.and funny as hell. Greatly Missed. Love what is left of my BROKEN HEART.😢💔~MOM

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    2. Kelly i lost my boyfriend of 10 years in july of last year. He too was actually killed by the fentanol, which i know he did not even know he had taken. The police labled him just another junkie which could not have been further from the truth. Tony had died only on his second time snorting it. Noone was with him except for my dog jack whom he adored, but isnt talking as to if the guy who sold it to him just left him to die or not. Tony was such a great, kind, giving person who always helped my daughter and i out when we needed it. He worked two jobs, one full and one part out in the summer humidity. He always paid his bills on time and had never be arrested in his 45 years of life. He even had 3,000 saved to buy a house! Does this sounfd like a junkie to you?! It wasnt until his older half brother rented the apt right next to tonys to two different herion addicts that problems occurred. The first junkie was a girl, and his brother, who owned the building exicted her. Then his brother goes and rents this same apt next to tonys to ANOTHTHER junkie, but this time it was a guy. Tony and he shared the same porch and he would even work out on it. They got to become “friends” . This piece of shit with a rap sheet as long as a bòok inticed tony to try this wonderful drug. Now my Tony is gone and the real one who deserves to be 6 feet under still walks the earth. All i can say is karma is a bitch! Tonys brother was a security guard at a prison around here and i would not put it past him if he made an agreement while this SOB was incarcerated that if he took an insurance policy out on tony and got him on herion then intentionally od’d him they would split the $. The police even took over an hour to decide whether to break open tony’s door! He could have still been alive! The city of Hagerstown md SUCKS!! And of course his brother did not help my daughter and i out (Tony’s stepdaughter) with any of the money tony had saved in his bank account….plus we never got married for tax reasons, so no survivors benefits…nothing.
      So now we eat ramen and crackers for dinner, i no longer get child support from my daughters biological father (who happens to b in a self induced coma now for a month- he od’d on cocaine! But i could care less about him. Its just not fair that God would take good men and leave the shitty ones here!!?? Why God?, why!?

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    3. Oh Kelly, I feel your pain but please, please, please do NOT blame yourself. As parents of an addict, we still have to function. We can provide them with as much support in their journey to reach sobriety, but it is entirely up to THEM to say NO to drugs. You are experiencing my greatest fear – that I too may lose my son to heroin – the thought isn’t worth contemplating and we should never have to bury our children, but remember this, the choice is THEIRS. I have lived through an 18 year nightmare where my son could have died so many times because of his addiction. Even with the knowledge of his daily struggle to remain clean now, it is down to him not me, to maintain his sobriety. Your beautiful boy is not far away and he does not blame you. I hope that you can seek counselling for your grief. My thoughts are with you. God bless.

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    4. As a mother with children we can only do our best it’s sound like ur son was a loving man while going thru this he was still helping other it wasn’t ur fault you can’t live ur life blaming urself it’s not what ur son would like think of the good time share his life embrace his life I’m sure that what ur son would want may god bless you and watch over you and ur family god bles

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  9. This drug does not discriminate. I also became addicted from my boyfriend who later became my fiance. He was 22 years my junior. He died at 29 years old. My story is tragic. I had a very hard time forgiving myself. I went out getting more heroin late at night and when I came home, there were police and ambulance at the house. He was dead. I never said goodbye. He overdosed. It took me over a year to get clean. I tortured myself because I blamed myself for his death. Thankfully, I had a wonderful therapist, IOP and AA who helped me overcome my addiction. I am now at peace.

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  10. Thank you for sharing your story. I have never used any drug, and so am pathetically ignorant about the depth of how they destroy lives. Your willingness to share your story, all of it, the good and the bad impacted me in a good way. Thank you. I am a better person when I learn about people and parts of living that I do not know. It makes me more compassionate and understanding, as well as much wiser. May God continue to bless you.

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  11. I have started my journey to get off heroin after along 7 year addiction that started with a knee surgery and prescription pain pills that turned into herion very fast. I have od’d numerous times and when I went on the run from warrants for probation violation I had to sign my daughter over to my parents cause her dad is in prison because of his crack addiction and when I signed her over my addiction got to an all time high. That’s the thing about herion it takes everything bad away and you don’t think of all your problems but on July 211st after shooting an 8ball in 2 shots at a motel I went downstairs to get more and the cops was outside and so I turned around to get back upstairs to my room and when I got on my floor there was 4 cops right by my room and I thought they was there to get me and I ran well I got caught and gave 2 fake names and it didn’t work so finally had to admit who I was and to jail I went and those flu like symptoms come on and for 3 weeks I thought I was going to die I didn’t way at all cause I would throw it up. Well i thought I would go back home but my 1st court date my p.o. didn’t come to court and my case got continued for 60 days cause God had a plan to save my life so on October 3 I was suppose to go in front of a judge that was activiating sentences which mine was 6 years and all I could think was my life was over and I had let my daughter down she would be 18 when I got home but it got continued to October 6th and this judge was so nice he put me in a CRV program that was only 90 days and it gave me things to use to stay clean. So now I’m 6 months clean I came home on January 4th and I’m doing good. All the people I was hanging around wants to come see me and I’m turning them away solely because while I was locked up all people that cared was my parents, my daughter, & my boyfriend. No one wrote sent money or answered calls I learned outta sight outta mind meant I always had the house where you could come stay get something to eat a safe place to get high and you knew your kids was safe but now I see I was only being used. Now I see I was not only hurting myself but I was hurting my parents and daughter and God had me locked up to save me cause I was worth being saved and you are too. If you go to your local hospital they can help with rehab or you can go to your county mental health and they can find a rehab that doesn’t need insurance! Good luck and I’ll be praying for you and anyone else that is fighting addiction.

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    1. I’m over the moon for you to have come this far god had a plan for you and ur daughter n family keep doing what you are doing and the life you will have is worth more than that crap u will win not heroine well done n thank you for sharing ur story god bless you all

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  12. I myself have battled a heroin and prescription painkiller addiction on and off for about 4 years now. I was two years clean and recently relapsed in December. I beg each and every one of you no matter how wild you are, how willing to try the next “fun” thing…don’t ever try heroin. Like she stated in the story you always believe you can walk away but this drug is unlike any other. It takes control of your mind, body, soul. It leaves you lifeless and incapable of making a decision that could save your life. I have pushed away family, and friends. I have stolen, sold everything I possibly could to get my next high. It’s the most lonely degrading feeling once your hooked. Having to look the ones who love you in the eyes and tell them your an addict when you grew up in a very well to do home and were always given what you needed is the most confusing and heartbreaking situation for the family who raised you. They don’t understand how it could of happened to their baby. This drug knows nor cares where you came from or how you were raised and will destroy you in the blink of an eye. The first time I withdrew I made an 12 hour drive home alone to my family. I have never experienced pain like that in my life. When an addict is withdrawing many people who are unaware of how bad it truly is thinj it’s dramatic and it can’t be that bad. It is. It’s the worst, most lonely pain you can imagine. I finally made it home To my mom who sat up with me and checked in me all through the night to make sure I was still breathing. After about a week I finally started to feel better. I got clean and stayed clean until about a month ago where I had to repeat all of this heartbreak again. I am lucky to have a family who has stuck by me and a fiancé who is angry as hell at me but still loves me with all he has. That is truly all that has gotten me through these withdrawals. I pray for each and every addict they you find the courage and support to break away from this demon. It’s a day to day battle but I promise you if you can get a month under your belt and a good support system you’ve got this.

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    1. Well done I hope u keep doing what u are doing u have amazing life ahead of you n loads of pp that love you thank you for Charing ur story may god bless you n ur family

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  13. Thanks for sharing this. I started using other drugs 2 months ago every weekend and was naturalising it. It feels a little bit dangerous but I had the idea that I could control it. Having someone I could identify with saying this is big. Reading this and it’s comments opened my eyes. I’m lucky im still on time to get away from them and I think I read this in the right moment. Thanks thanks and thanks again.

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  14. I lost one of my best friends in October 2016. He had been in and out of jail/prison. He was doing so great. Someone had made the comment that you have to cut every bad influence out of your life regardless of your relationship with them. That couldn’t be more true. And yes it only takes once and it can kill you. Society needs to hear these stories. Sweeping them under the rug is only making the drug more powerful. Talking about it out loud, asking for help and not being ashamed is what will help you win this battle. To all those recovering addicts. KEEP FIGHTING!! It will be a battle every single day. But you make the choice to rise above. Thank you for your stories. If by sharing your story you save 1 life you’ve done your job.

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  15. An amazing story, one that many never get to tell. It takes amazing courage and unspeakable willpower to overcome what this young lady has. I know personally. I am not a teenager, a person from unfortunate circumstances, someone with an addictive personality, I am a middle aged, successful, business owner, who fell down this black hole. Having a bad injury my addiction started at pain management and without a path off opiates I was doomed as many like me are. It took 5 years of daily use to even start to find my way out. There were many failures along the way. Rehab, counseling, meetings, all part of my recovery, yet none got me over the hump and back into a healthy lifestyle. Today, I am running an innovative program that helps addicts. Rehabs provide some great help and resources, but success rates are not encouraging. I believe many don’t have success there because they don’t acclimate you back to life. They leave you in limbo, existing as a recovering addict, not able to leave it behind you. I worked hard to figure out what these programs were missing and today with myself and others like me we are working hard to help people out of this hole. I don’t want to sit here and market what I am doing, but if you or a loved one is an opiate addict, you should take a look at what we are doing, Google – Find The Way Opiate Recovery Coaching (i don’t think i can leave links in the replies). I’d love to talk to you more about it.

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  16. I am a single mother because of heroin. I have 3 beautiful little girls who’s dad chooses to use heroin over be a part of their lives. Once in awhile he will contact them and ask to see them. I hate that I can’t trust him with my girls.

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  17. Thank you for sharing. I recently discovered my oldest child is a heroin addict. I found out because he survived a car accident that should have killed him. My hope is that he will learn from this experience, as you did. And that he knows that I will forever love him, no matter what.

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  18. Thank you for sharing, I wish you well with your recovery. I lost my son to heroin. He was in and out of rehab. He didn’t OD, he contracted endocarditis from his dirty needle. The doctors had to replace two heart valves and reconstruct the other two. After all the surgery the doctors gave him oxycontin. He didn’t have a chance, once he ran out of oxycontin he started using heroin again and his heart couldn’t take it. It is good to hear stories of people that have quit.

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  19. You are a strong soul and your parents as well. Just I wish I have shared your store with my brother cause he is a addict. With a little girl whom needs a father and one day wont have one. I wish this would of woke him up no such luck. I realize now its a losing battle with him. Cause he dont wanna help himself my mom bless her heart they are trying tough love but, not in a way that is needed. Don’t know what to do anymore. Prayers for you!!!!!!!

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