It wouldn’t be fair for me to continue this blog without paying respect to the person who led me here. This is a very touchy subject for me and i assume for many of you who will be reading. I hope i don’t step on too many toes along the way, however; this is my story. this is my journey… this is my miracle. and this is my tribute to a dear, dear friend.
When talking about religion & beliefs i want to start by saying; I’ve always believed in God, in a higher power. But i wasn’t raised in a church, i wasn’t taught to say the blessing before dinner, and prayer to me was screaming “Please God” when slamming on the breaks because i wasn’t paying attention to car in front of me…
After losing a special friend from high school, that belief system started to shift… it didn’t happen over night- it didn’t happen in a couple of months… it took about 4 years. When Tim died it was devastating for us all… were talking about someone who literally LIT up a room every time he walked through the door. Someone who loved life no matter how hard life treated him. Someone who ran around telling us all to “Live a Little” there was just something special about this guy.. but i had no idea just how special he would continue to be in my life after his passing.
After Tim’s death i have to say… Life went on for me. Every individual grieves different and i hope that doesn’t sound harsh. but its true. i never went to visit his grave site, i never reached out to his family or friends. i just went on with life. I then somewhere along the way got caught up in the harsh reality of the world, dabbled in things i had no business touching. and wahla!, before i knew it i was addicted to heroin. (that’s a whole different blog post)
Luckily my addiction only lasted a year. but my God; did it feel like an eternity. but within that ONE year i overdosed not only once, but twice. i wish i could tell you i saw “the light” or spoke to God one on one. but honestly i don’t remember. what i do know is that the paramedic that saved my life the first go round, had the name Tim. and what i do know is that, i had angels on my side who wouldn’t let me join them just yet. It wasn’t my time
I’m going to share a journal entry that i wrote on 5/28/2016- This was my letter to Tim
“After a terrible day at work i couldn’t go home… not like this, not with my anxiety. i needed someone to talk too. Someone to listen and understand what’s happening to me. As i was driving i noticed the license plate of the car in front of me. PTN1113; TN111 was all i could focus on.
So here i am Tim, sitting in front of your grave. I’m so sorry i haven’t been here to see you sooner. it was too hard. i miss you so much, the long talks we used to have, the way no one understood our relationship but us, i miss your smile the most.
I’ve changed so much since the last time i saw you. things are changing everyday; I’m changing everyday. I’m not sure if you have anything to do with what’s going on in my life at the moment, but i know your with me. i want to keep connecting with my angels, i want to connect with you. i need you to know how important this is to me. my mind has recently been opened to this new understanding of the world around me. its the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I’m so thankful for all I’ve been given and I’m opening my heart to this journey, I’m giving GOD every piece of me that i have to give.
I got this bracelet in Colorado last week, you’re supposed to make a wish when you put it on. i want to leave it here with you Tim. in hopes that it might somehow connect us. my wish is that you can help me communicate with my angels on a level i haven’t experienced. i want to communicate with God on a deeper level.
Thank you for getting me here today, i promise to be back soon. thank you for always reminding me to “Live a Little.” I love you
I then noticed a beautiful butterfly flying over me, within seconds it landed on my knee, i have no idea how i was able to capture these photos but it makes total sense to me now. i was meant to share them with my readers. i then went home to find a package at my door step; some makeup i ordered for work. i opened the box and hit the ground crying. a large white card was the only thing i could see… with big black bold words;
“Put on some lipstick & Live a Little.”
Tim led me here. to follow my dreams of writing, to serve my life purpose– To take my experiences and share them with the world, to share them with you. He always told me not to care what anyone thinks, or what anyone has to say. he taught me the meaning of self love and the meaning of life. We are on this earth to serve a purpose and to help one another. The things we do here on earth carry on once were gone. He’s been my angel in the walking life and in his current life. I’ve walked the realm and I’ve experienced things I’m not really even sure how to explain, but the veil is thin; and if I’ve learned anything over the past year its this… We are ALL capable of receiving messages from our loved ones who have crossed over, we just have to be open to the process.
Look for the signs, look for the blessings. and except them.
Love is universal. Love is endless. Love is what makes the world go round ❤